


In the Midst of Fireworks

by Thepracticalheartmom



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:54:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25255729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thepracticalheartmom/pseuds/Thepracticalheartmom
Summary: In the midst of fireworks Y/N finds a figure hiding from the noise by her apartment. Against her better judgement she takes him in for a while. What could go wrong?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 32
Kudos: 83





	1. Fireworks

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! I'd love to hear what you think!

**July 4, 2011**

**New York City**

Walking home from a late evening at work through the crowds, you see the fireworks begin, you’ve never liked the noise, but you keep moving towards the little apartment you rent, making your way through the crowds of people. As you turn the last corner before you make it to your building, you see a figure huddled on the concrete.

“Hey are you okay?” You kneel next to a large man in a hoodie and ball cap who’s sitting with his hands over his ears, visibly shaking, next to your apartment building, just a few blocks from Stark Tower.

The man looks up and your are pierced by his bright blue eyes, which look more panicked with every passing boom of the fireworks overhead. He shakes his head as you offer him your hands, helping him to his feet. Motioning with your hands to follow you, you begin the short walk to your apartment. He only makes a brief attempt at shaking you off before following you into your apartment, which is blessedly quiet compared to the noise outside.

Turning on the stereo to drown out the sound, you sit the man down on your couch and kneel in front of him. “Better?”

He looks up, nodding “Better, thank you.” It’s then that you realize that the man sitting in front of you is none other than Steve Rogers. 

“I’m Y/N” you say quietly, “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need, the worst of the noise should be gone soon. Would you like anything to drink? Have you eaten? Do you have a name?” You began rambling as you thought about just how stupid you were to invite a total stranger into your home.

He shook his head, “Steve, Steve Rogers.”

You could feel your heart beating out of your chest as you finally took in the man, he was tall, and once he took his cap off you could see that he was blonde with a chiseled jaw and a heart stopping smile. You just couldn’t help yourself from blushing a little.

You talked for a while, sharing little bits of yourself, and getting to know Steve.

He stayed just for a couple of hours, until the fireworks quieted down, and then headed out, with a quiet hug and a promise that he would see you soon.

**The Battle of New York**

After the 4th of July, things went back to normal for you; you continued your job, working in a shop near the middle of Manhattan as a stylist. You almost forgot about the man you’d harbored for a few hours from the fireworks. Almost. You couldn’t quite get his eyes out of your mind. He hadn’t been back, but you hadn’t necessarily expected him to.

Out on your lunch break, you were running back to your apartment to grab something you’d forgotten, when you saw a bright blue light shoot up from Stark Tower, and a portal open up in the sky. What you saw next you’ll never forget as you stood frozen in place, panic written across your face. Alien figures on flying motorcycle-like vehicles poured out of the sky, and you saw them start shooting at Iron Man. “Shit,” you thought, “Is that Iron Man? What the hell is going on here?”

And then it started, all around you cars began to explode, lasers were being shot from every angle, and all you could do was watch. You ducked back into your shop, but quickly saw that there were people who were hurt outside and without much thought jumped back out into the street and began pulling as many people as you could inside before running back out for more. A small lull settled over the air as everyone looked up and a building sized monster-like creature flew through the sky with more of the aliens falling off of it as if it was a mother spider.

You looked over and standing with two other people was the man with the same piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a red white and blue suit with a half mask like helmet. It dawned on you in that moment who Steve was. He looked over at you before rejoining the fray.

You continued trying to get people out of the line of fire, kicking off your heels to make running more efficient. You watched in horror as the giant monster fell and out of the sky came crashing down the street, buildings began to crumble as the fighting forced the combatants into them. You looked up and again saw hundreds of creatures flowing out of the hole in the sky.

Before you knew it one of the aliens had finally noticed you, barefoot, bleeding and turned his weapon towards you. You screamed, but before the blast could hit, you saw Steve and his shield, he jumped in front of you before killing the alien and helped you inside a bank. “That’s enough for today, stay inside.”

You and several others were huddled inside, when you noticed several aliens and they began to struggle with Steve, he was thrown out of a window, and you couldn’t help but scream again as police officers led you out. You saw Steve standing outside, bloody but alive. You paused just for a moment and then followed to wait it out. Watching the news from inside a holding area with everyone else.

**A Few Days Later**

A knock at the door has you jumping nervously. Making your way to the door, you open the door, hobbling a little from your sore feet. Cut to shreds from the glass in the streets. Your building made it mostly unscathed and you had cuts and scrapes, but were unharmed otherwise. You checked through the peep hole, cursing as you saw Steve. “I would pick today to wear the rattiest pair of sweat pants I own!”

Opening the door, you look a little shocked. “H…Hi Steve, come in?”

Steve walks through the door, smiling but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, he sees you hobbling and sweeps you up as if you weigh absolutely nothing, walking over towards the couch, he gently sets you down and picks up your foot gently, noticing all the glass and the blood on the floor. “Y/N, did you get this looked at?”

You tuck your head into your chest, and shake you head no.

Steve picks you back up and heads towards the door.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To the tower. You need to have that looked at”

“At least let me get dressed first!”


	2. The Tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluff to tide you over! More coming tomorrow! If you like the story and want to interact with others who enjoy it too and even help me pick some details for the story, check out our Discord! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/raT8xxp

Dressing quickly in a vintage style AC/DC shirt and jeans, grabbing a pair of sandals and brushing your hair back into a neat ponytail, you step out of the bathroom limping lightly.

Steve sees you, and picks you up again, walking outside to his motorcycle, handing you a helmet. You eye him warily before putting on the helmet, and climbing on behind him, holding tightly.

“You ready?” He asks as he lifts the kick stand and starts the bike.

“Uh huh” You say as your barefoot hang lightly off the sides.

Steve takes off at a speed that startles you, causing you to cling to him tighter than you expected. Soon, you’re going into the garage underneath Stark tower.

**Stark Tower**

Kicking down the stand, Steve picks you up again, this time shifting you so that you are riding on his back like a child and carries you inside and into the elevator.

“What floor Captain” J.A.R.V.I.S. asks

“Who was that” You ask curious

“The robot who runs things around here.”

The doors open to the med bay, and Steve carries you inside, setting you down on a bed that looks futuristic. He leaves to go get a nurse and comes back with two people in tow. The doctor sits near the end of the bed with a small stainless steel pan and some tweezers, a couple of bandages, and some ointment. 

“She might not want to watch this” the doctor says after taking a cursory look at your feet, but you already know how mangled they look.

Steve looks down at you with a tense face, and reaches for your hand “Tell me about something? Anything? What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a stylist for a shop near Columbus Circle, or well I guess I was, last time I saw it, it looked like a bomb had gone off near it.”

“A stylist?”

“Yeah, I help people pick out clothing for themselves, sometimes its regular day wear, sometimes its evening dresses, its fun work, sometimes a little time consuming.”

“That’s interesting”

You wince as the first couple of shards of debris are picked out of your left foot, and Steve tenses at the change in expression as your grip his hand a little tighter.

“What’s your favorite color” he asks, trying to distract you

“Well, it depends on the day, it used to be purple, but lately, I find that I really like the color blue.”

What feels like hours later, the doctor finishes pulling the last of the debris out of your feet and bandages them, telling you to stay off your feet when you can. Before shooing Steve out of the room so they can check the rest of your body for injuries.

Steve pulled a chair over and sat just outside the door, and Tony walked up beside him.

“Who’s the girl?” Tony asked with a smirk

“She saved me from some fireworks back on the fourth, saw her at the battle in midtown, pulling people out of the line of fire. I went to check on her today and she hadn’t been looked at, so I brought her here.”

“Capsicle has a crush…” Tony sang as he teased Steve.

“Oh hush” Steve says as the med doors open

“These are pretty infected” the doctor says looking over your wounds before handing you an antibiotic. “Take this twice a day for a week, it will help, and we’ll see you back then”

The nurse opened the door and ushered Steve in, Tony following right behind.

“So this is Fireworks huh? Nice shirt by the way” Tony smarts off

“Fireworks?”

“Tony likes to give everyone nicknames”

“Capsicle here has never brought anyone back, you must be pretty special.”

“Capsicle?”

“He came out of the ice? You know like a popsicle? But Cap instead?” Tony laughed at his own joke.

You roll your eyes but can’t help but laugh a little.

Steve laughs and sits down next to you, “Ready to go? We need to talk.”

You nod and Steve picks you up, you could get used to this. You look at Steve curiously when the he tells J.A.R.V.I.S. to go up instead of down. Steve carries you through a living area filled with other people and into what looks to be a little apartment before setting you on a couch.

“What do we need to talk about?” You ask curiously, a little nervous based on the semi-sour look you’re getting. You pause for a second “Steve?”

“If you ever find yourself in a firefight again, I need you to promise me something”

You looked up at him, willing him to continue

“I need you to stay out of the line of fire. You could have been seriously hurt”

“I can’t promise you that Steve, I can’t leave people to die.”

“You aren’t trained, you could have gotten killed, those aliens almost did kill you. I need you to promise me.”

“Steve, I can’t. I can promise you to be careful, but I can’t promise that I won’t help other people. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t help where I could.”

Steve huffed. “I won’t always be there to save you.”

“I know.”

Steve turned to you, he reaches out to hold your hands. “If all I can get is careful, that’s what I’ll take. What do you say to meeting the rest of the team”

You look a little nervous, looking up at Steve he smiles and it finally reaches his eyes “I promise they don’t bite. Well, Natasha might, but it’ll be alright, I promise.”

You nod, nervous before J.A.R.V.I.S. speaks up. “Sir has requested that Captain and Miss Fireworks come into the living area”

“I guess that’s our cue?” Steve says laughing as he swings you onto his back.

“Steve! I can walk!”

Steve laughed and exited his apartment to the living room, smiling as he saw the entire team sitting on the couches. “Look! Steve has a spider monkey on his back!” Tony hollered. “Come on over here, let’s meet Cap’s newest leading lady”

You blush and Steve sputters “She’s a friend Tony. A friend”

“$100 says they’re dating before the end of the month!” Clint hollered, you blush even deeper and pat Steve on the shoulder.

“Let me down please!”

Steve shakes his head before walking over to the couch and settling you on a cushion. He sits next to you. “Doctor’s orders to stay off your feet.”

Natasha looks you up and down not saying much of anything past hello, she’s eyeing you like you might be the enemy, but keeping a blank face.

Bruce smiles and waves, after sitting for a while, answering a litany of questions, about your past, your family, your job, Tony seems the most interested about your job.

“A stylist huh, you’re pretty good under pressure, I saw you in Manhattan.”

“I enjoy it, I get to help people feel their best.”

After a while, it was time to leave, Steve picked you up, and walked to the elevator, but not before Tony hollered “$15 he kisses her tonight!”

You laugh and Steve blushes. It’s not long before you make it back to your apartment, and Steve is helping you inside.


	3. The Evasion Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy, 2 chapters in one night, and more to come! I'm feeling the writing bug tonight! As always comments are appreciated! I love to know what you are thinking! If you want to see the outfits, scenes etc. and help to make some of the detail choices in the story, join my discord! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/raT8xxp

A couple weeks go by, Steve comes and goes pretty regularly, but then duty calls and he’s off on a mission. You start working again and your feet heal. You miss him, but you’ll never admit it to yourself.

You’re at work one day when you get a text from Steve

[Steve: Hey you home?]

[Y/N: Not yet, I’m still at work. You back?]

[Steve: Yeah, I got back a few minutes ago, meet you there?]

[Y/N: Sure, I get off at 4]

When you arrive back at your house, you find Steve waiting at your door, dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, a ball cap covering his hair. His face sported a new black eye, and a nasty looking gash under his right eye. You open the door and gesture for him to go inside. “Sit.”

He sits at a kitchen chair. “What happened? Actually scratch that, I don’t want to know. Have you been looked over?”

“No, I’m fine, the serum will take care of it all.”

“I’m not buying that, shouldn’t we go back to the tower for you to get checked out?”

“No, no need.”

“Will you at least let me look?”

Steve shrugged, “Y/N there’s really no need, but if it makes you feel better”

Steve shrugged off his sweatshirt and ballcap, revealing more bruising and a few cuts. You look up at him, a tear in your eye that you blink away, not quite quickly enough. Before hugging Steve tightly, it hasn’t been long that you’ve known each other, but the two of you have become fast friends and it physically hurts you to see him hurt. He winces as your hug presses on tender ribs. “Broken?” You ask pulling away and pointing at his side.

“Bruised, they’ll be better in a few hours.” He replied

“When’s the last time you ate?” You asked moving towards the kitchen to put something together. Normally he’d tease you for being a mother hen, but today he was just happy to be back.

“I ate a little while ago, grabbed a sandwich at the tower.”

You nodded and began to cook, doubling the recipe, you knew he’d eat more than your normal fare. Steve stood and leaned in the doorway of the kitchen, gingerly smiling at you as he watched you cook. “You know you don’t have to do that right?” He said softly, his blue eyes sparkling a little.

“I know, but it makes me feel useful.”

Steve walked over to where you were, looking a little conflicted for the briefest of moments before asking if there was anything he could do to help. You told him he could pull the salad out of the fridge and put it on the table, the spaghetti you were cooking was nearly done. You pulled a couple of plates out of the cupboard and sat them on the table with a giant pot of spaghetti on a pot holder with a big spoon. “Eat,” you told him, “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go switch into something a little more comfortable than my work clothes”

When you walked back out, Steve was still waiting on you. “Steve,” you whined, “I wanted you to eat while it was still hot! You didn’t need to wait for me!”

“My mama would turn over in her grave if I ate before you got back here.”

You smiled at him then, thinking about how kind he always was. You sat, and served yourself, picking up a piece of garlic bread off the plate in the center of the table, and eating in companionable silence with Steve.

**A few months later**

[Steve: Hey are you busy this weekend?]

[Y/N: Never, you know that lol]

[Steve: Tony is throwing a benefit, told us all we had to bring a date, wanna go?]

[Y/N: Sure, I’ll see what I can do about finding a dress to borrow. Anything in particular I should go for?]

[Steve: nah, you know Tony, it’ll be a suit and tie kind of thing. I’m excited to have my best girl come with me]

[Y/N: Your best girl huh?]

[Steve: Yes, my best girl.]

You look at your phone in slight disbelief there’s just no way that Steve likes you as more than a friend. Sure, he’s your fantasy anytime you close your eyes, but surely he can’t feel the same way about you. You smile, looking through a rack of designer samples and settling on a vintage inspired red dress, floor length with a gorgeous neckline that you just knew would bring a smile to Steve’s face. “Gah!” You said to yourself, “get it out of your head, he is never going to feel that way for you. Cut it out before you ruin a really great friendship.”

[Y/N: *selfie in front of a full rack of dresses* Playing dress up has never been so much fun lol]

[Steve: *smiley face emoji* If I knew you enjoyed dressing up so much, I’d have been dragging you to these all along!]

[Y/N: I still think Natasha wants to end me, probably best not to go showing up all the time]

[Steve: Nat? She likes you just fine, she’s just like that.]

**That Weekend just before the Benefit**

Steve met you at your apartment, insisting on picking you up. He knocked on your door, and you answered quickly, taking one last look in the mirror to make sure you looked presentable.

Steve looked so handsome in his suit, a dark blue with a white dress shirt and red tie. You smiled widely and opened the door the rest of the way for him to come in. “I’m almost ready, I just need to put my shoes on.”

He stepped in and stopped in his tracks. “Y/N, you look beautiful. How’d I get so lucky to have such a doll for a friend?”

You smiled, “Me? You’re kidding right? I still look like a kid playing dress up in her mama’s closet.”

Steve wasn’t having it as he twirled you around. “We’d better not be late, we’ll already be the talk of the event if Tony has his say. He’s still burnt up that he didn’t win his bet.”

The team had been betting on the two of you getting together for a while, but you knew it would never happen. There was no way someone as great as Steve could have feelings for you. You weren’t pretty enough, smart enough or really enough of anything for him to notice you as more than a friend you thought, but tonight was going to be fun, a chance to dress up and dance with Steve.

Arriving at the venue, you and Steve step out onto a red carpet, and try to avoid answering all of the questions about your “relationship.” The paparazzi was just too keen on placing the two of you in a relationship for the sake of their magazine sales. You answered questions about who you were wearing, a small designer out of Brooklyn that you adored and walked inside, hand placed delicately on Steve’s elbow as you were led over to where the team was standing.

Tony smiled “Hey Firework, enjoying the night?”

“I sure am, thank you for letting me come.”

“Anything to see Cap here smile like the cat that caught the canary all night”

Steve blushed a little, feeling a little caught in the act. He didn’t know how you felt about him, but really didn’t want to mess things up with you. You made him feel alive. Human for the first time since he came out of the ice.

A slow song started and Steve smiled as he led you out onto the dance floor “I still don’t know how to dance, but I just can’t resist, not when I have such a beautiful partner”

“Steve, flattery will get you everywhere.” You laugh and the two of you begin to dance, Steve’s arm around your waist, your body tucked in closely to his while you whisper to each other, talking about everything you were seeing. You could talk to Steve for hours.

The night was winding down, most of the guests had already left for the night, and it was just the team sitting on a couch, smiling and listening as they told stories. Thor regaled everyone with his adventures in Asgard, and Natasha told a few stories about the crazy things she’d seen. Steve and Tony were joking and laughing with each other. It felt like home.

Late that night, Steve walked you back to your apartment. You smiled as he followed you in and you both changed into sweats and t-shirts, sitting on the couch for movies and popcorn and soft conversation.

Early into the next morning, in the middle of your third movie, Steve’s phone rang. The same ring it always made, well except when you called him, he had a cheesy recording from a cheeky voicemail you left him as your ringtone.

“Steve” he answered curtly, clearly annoyed that you two were being interrupted, “uh, huh, fine.” A pause “Can it wait? Yeah I’m kind of in the middle of something.” Another pause. “Fine. I’ll be back there soon.”

“Mission?” You asked softly

“Yeah, HYDRA base, same stuff different day”

You stood with him, “Be safe please. I worry about you.”

“I will be. Don’t worry.”

You hugged him tightly, knowing that you would worry until he made it back to you. “Wow,” you thought, “When did this crush get this bad?”

“It’s hard not to when I don’t know if you’re ok”

Steve nodded thinking that he would have to find a way to fix that when he got back.

“I’ll see you soon, I should only be gone a few days.”

**A few weeks later**

A few days turned into a few weeks, you were worried sick, you hadn’t heard from anyone on the team, and that always made you nervous. Usually someone would check in on you to see if you were okay. But you figured everyone must have gone with so it couldn’t be that bad. It must have just taken them longer than usual to complete their objectives. You jumped when your phone vibrated loudly on the table.

[Steve: hey, we’re landing soon, do you want to meet me at the tower? Tony says J.A.R.V.I.S. can let you in and take you up?]

[Y/N: Sure, I’ll head that way, are you ok?]

[Steve: Yeah, I’m alright, I’ll see you when we land.]

You hurried to dress in comfortable jeans and a soft red t-shirt, you jogged the three blocks to the tower, J.A.R.V.I.S. greeted you at the elevator as the security desk waved you through and you were lifted to the Quinjet’s landing pad.

A few minutes later, the jet landed and a worn and weary team began to disembark. All of them looking like they’d been through hell. You knew better by now than to ask. It was all classified, and you were just glad everyone made it back alive and in relatively one piece.

Steve was the last off the jet, limping slightly bruised and cut, but otherwise he looked fine. He smiled as he spotted you. “I’ve missed you doll.” He reached out his arms and you hugged him tightly, not caring that he was covered in dirt and soot and blood. “I missed you too, you look like you need a warm shower and a movie night”

“You’re right again.”

“Why don’t you shower and I’ll hang out with everyone until you’re done?”

“Sounds like a plan”


	4. Sparks

**In the Tower’s Living Room**

You find a seat in the living room, and play on your phone for a bit before everyone starts making it into the living room, much to your surprise, Natasha sits down right next to you and Clint sits on the other side.

“So, you and Rogers” Clint says with a smile.

“Me and Rogers what?” You eye them both nervously, suddenly very aware that you are in the middle of two master assassins, one of which you’re pretty certain hates your guts.

“Oh you can’t tell us you two aren’t a thing yet” Natasha says rolling her eyes.

“I don’t think he likes me like that?” You say eyeing her and leaning back a bit

Natasha looks at you and then in a little shock realizes that you are serious. “I’m gonna have to have a talk with Steve.” She thinks.

They lay off for a moment, and Tony walks in and it begins all over again. Soon, J.A.R.V.I.S. lets you know that Steve is waiting for you and you walk into his apartment, he’s already settled on the couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt that may as well have been painted on, popcorn in a bowl with your favorite sweet treat sitting next to your spot. What you couldn’t get past though was the bandage showing through the shirt. “Steve,” you say softly, almost a whisper, “I thought you said you were alright?”

“I am alright, it’ll heal on its own in a couple days, Promise.” You gingerly settle in beside him, sighing. You worry about him, and it sucks not knowing if he’s okay while he’s gone.

Steve looks over at you, you’re engrossed in the movie he picked, smiling at the cheesy romantic comedy. You miss the smile he gives you, his arm itching to just make its way around you and pull you close. He thinks about it for a moment and then pulls you in closer to himself a little faster than he meant to. He lets out a hiss as you lean up against his side. “Steve?” You ask softly “Are you ok?”

“I’m ok, Y/N, promise, I’m just sore, and a little tired.”

“Do you want me to go so you can sleep?”

“I…I don’t want to be alone.” Steve replied, his voice low and his face a little uncertain.

“I won’t leave if you don’t want me to, want to talk about it?”

“I can’t really, it’s classified, it was just a really tough mission.”

Instead of responding, you curl up into his side, wishing this were more than just platonic cuddling. Steve leans his head over to lay it on top of yours and closes his eyes, the movie plays on, but neither of you are really paying attention to it.

“She’s amazing” Steve thinks to himself, “I really wish I knew how to tell her that I want her to be more than just a friend.”

Soon, Steve begins to snore, and you realize that he’s fallen asleep on you. Gently, trying your hardest not to wake him, you scoot so that he’s laying down with his head on your lap, and you find yourself running your fingers through his hair, staring off into space. “I wish this was more, but I’m glad that I can have even this” you think as you smile softly down at the man in your lap. He groans softly in his sleep, his ribs must be bothering him more than he lets on. You make a mental note to ask him to let you see tomorrow when he changes the bandages.

The next morning, you wake up and realize that you are still on Steve’s couch. Feeling a weight on your lap, you look down and notice Steve’s blue eyes staring back up at you sleepily. You blush, and look away. “G’Morning” you say groggily.

Steve smiles, looking up at you. He tries to sit up, wincing a little, and you help push him the rest of the way up. Noticing him clutch his side. “You sure you’re ok?” You ask him “Can I see?”

Steve blushes a little, but nods and lifts his arms with another wince to remove his shirt. Hidden beneath his shirt, you note bruises, some yellowish, but most angry dark black, blue and purple, the bandage concealed a good portion of his chest, you reach out gingerly, lightly touching a couple of the bruises, Steve clenches his teeth, but doesn’t stop you. You finger the bandage lightly, “Can I take this off Steve?”

He nods again and you begin to unwind the bandage, wincing and blinking away tears as you see a large gash that while healing still looks like it would have killed a normal person. “Steve, shouldn’t this have been stitched up?”

“Probably, but its ok, it will heal on its own in a few days. Nothing to worry about. Although we probably should cover it back up.” You nod, not really sure if you believe him, but you step to the counter to grab the extra bandages there and gently bandage his chest back before looking up at Steve again. He leans down, looks at your lips, and then quickly pulls away. You look back at him, a little unsure of what just happened, and then you remember that its not the weekend and you are about to be seriously late to work.

“Oh shit, I’m going to be so late!” You jump up putting on the same clothes as yesterday, running fingers through your hair and waving goodbye to Steve as you race out the door past the other members of his team with a frantic look on your face. You barely manage to make it to work on time, panting as you sprint the last block.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll, I think the next chapter will be up today! I love reading your comments, let me know what you think!


	5. First Light

Steve stepped out into the common room, made himself a bowl of cereal and sat down at the bar. Thinking about the events of the night before. He couldn’t quite shake how he felt about Y/N. He wasn’t paying attention as Natasha sat down next to him. She said his name a few times before waving a hand in front of his face “Steve, Earth to Steve, you in there?”

“Huh” He looked up at her, a little startled.

“You alright?” She looked at Steve with a little smile.

“Yeah, Y/N changed the bandage this morning.”

“Was that what happened before she rushed out of her like a scared little doe?”

Steve didn’t respond but looked up from his cereal.

“She likes you, you know?” She said with a smirk.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Y/N, she likes you, you should just ask her out already. We all like her. She’s a good woman.”

“That’s funny, she always says she’s pretty sure you want to kill her” he laughed softly

Natasha laughed “I guess I have that effect on people. Seriously though, the girl is head over heels for you. Just ask her and soon, you’re like a puppy when she’s around. We can’t protect her if we don’t know how.”

With that, Steve stood, headed back to his room and dressed. He knew exactly what he was doing the rest of the day.

**A small boutique**

**Manhattan, NY**

You are helping a client pick out a dress for a gala later that week, showing her a few of the newer dresses you’d just gotten in when your boss Cherie called your name.

“Y/N, you have a guest.”

You looked up at her, “I’ll be out once I’m not with Ms. Riley.”

“Y/N, I don’t think this is a guest you’ll want to keep waiting.” She said with a beaming smile.

“I’ll be out in a moment” you called as Ms. Riley let you know that this beautiful black gown was the one she’d like to have. You made a note of it in your book and told her it would be ready in a few days. She stepped out and you saw her eyes widen and her mouth gape as she stepped out of your little studio. You followed behind and smiled widely as you saw Steve. He was carrying a bouquet of red roses and looked nervous.

“See,” your boss whispered quietly in your ear “I told you this was a guest you wouldn’t want to keep waiting. When were you going to tell us that you were dating Captain America?” You thought she might start squealing, Ms. Riley looked like she might faint. All you could see was your friend, you walked over and smiled at him.

“Now to what do I owe this surprise?” You asked him smiling

“What I can’t come take my best girl out to lunch?” He quipped.

“You never come to my office. I didn’t think you knew where it was!”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. knows all”

You laughed and Steve handed you the bouquet. “These are for you.”

“Let me put these in some water in my office. I’ll be right back.”

Soon, the two of you were walking out the door and towards Steve’s motorcycle. You remembered the first time you rode with him, he still drives like a maniac, but now its just fun. He would never hurt you. You stop at a little cafe just a few blocks away, Steve finds parking miraculously and you two step inside. Its pale yellow walls make you think of sunshine, and you find a place outside to sit.

“What’s going on Steve, is everything okay?”

“More than okay.” He smiled. “Y/N, would you go out with me? Like on a date?”

You sputtered for a second, there was no way this was real, surely you were dreaming. You pinched yourself under the table. Nope, not dreaming. This was very very real and your face was turning redder by the second. Steve looked at yo nervously and expectantly. “Uh, of course I would love to.” You tried not to be too excited, failing miserably. “When are you thinking?”

“Tonight? I could meet you at your place around 7:30?”

You nod “I can do that. Fancy dress or dress down”

“Dress down, we’ll ride the bike”

You smiled, your food came and the waitress acted like you weren’t even there, but you couldn’t really find it in yourself to care. It felt like you were living in a dream. Shortly after your lunch, Steve dropped you back off in front of your office, he kissed your cheek and you stepped inside the boutique. Cherie ran to the door and pulled you into your office.

“When were you going to tell me?” She squealed. “How long have you known him. Tell me everything!”

After what seems like hours of telling Cherie all about how you came to know Steve, and insisting that she stop squealing. You make it back to your studio for the last of your appointments for the day. It’s a casual appointment, picking out some day to day wear for a regular client of yours. She notices the roses, and asks you what your plans for the week are. You keep it vague, you don’t really know how much you can tell anyone. You make a point to write yourself a quick note to ask Steve about it.

**Avenger’s Tower**

Back at the tower, Steve arrives back in the common room grinning from ear to ear.

Natasha smiles as she passes him, getting onto the elevator. “I take it you finally asked her out?”

Nodding, Steve smiles as he heads to his room to get ready. He showers, redresses the wound on his side, smiling as he remembers how gently you redressed it that morning, how he woke up laying in your lap, your fingers still entwined in his hair. He grabbed a new soft blue t-shirt, a pair of jeans and his favorite leather jacket. It was starting to get cool out in the evenings now, and he wanted to be sure that you would be warm enough.

Finding that he still had far too much time to waste, he sat on the couch, and pulled out his phone.

[Steve: *selfie of Steve sitting on the couch smiling* Hope you’re having a good day]

[Y/N: I am, Woke up happy, got surprised for lunch by my best guy, easy day at work, hot date tonight]

[Steve: Oh yeah, with who?]

[Y/N: Some superhero, Captain America, can you believe it?]

Steve laughed, he loved your banter. Everything seemed to come so naturally between the two of you. He smiled down at his phone.

[Steve: Lucky man]

[Y/N: See you tonight Cap]

Before he knew it, it was time to leave, he stopped to pick up another bouquet of flowers, daisies, white lilies and multicolored roses. He rode his motorcycle to your apartment and walked up to your door. Smiling, he knocked in the familiar pattern the two of you had laughed about plenty of times before.

Opening the door just a. Few moments after the knock, wearing a blue Captain America t-shirt, a red leather jacket, ripped jeans and a pair of red boots, grabbing your purse and sunglasses. Steve smiled and laughed, “What are you wearing?”

You laugh “Like it? I bought them during the craziness after Manhattan, thought it was a good laugh, now, I kinda like it.”

Steve smiles and rolls his eyes. “Well let’s get going.”

You and Steve make your way out to his bike, he hands you a helmet, holding yourself to him tightly, he merges into traffic and takes you out of Manhattan and out towards Brooklyn.

Pulling off, Steve walks you towards a beautiful carousel inside a park. Looking around, you see families smiling and walking around. It feels quiet and peaceful. Steve’s hand holds your own, and you find yourself feeling invincible. Nothing can touch the happiness you feel in this moment. Steve lifts you onto a carousel horse, and then finds himself one beside you.

“I grew up here. Its changed a lot, but it still feels like home.” He says gesturing to the city around them.

“It’s beautiful here.”

Later on, you find yourselves sitting under a tree, eating a hot dog and sharing fries while you people watch and talk about anything and everything. Steve pulls you closer to him, kissing your cheek. You turn your head towards him and pull him in for a kiss, innocently, softly, everything you’ve ever imagined it to be. And then, you notice the cameras begin to flash.

It’s like they came out of no where. Before you know it, Steve is standing in front of you, trying to shield you from the worst of it. But there’s no way to avoid it completely. Reporters are shouting, asking Steve about you, hollering out questions, screaming to try and get your attention. Steve wraps his arm protectively around you, and you both walk quickly back to his bike. He takes off for the tower, not wanting to lead anyone to your apartment, he parks underground and brings you upstairs, just like the first time you visited the tower.

All but carrying you caveman style into his apartment, Steve looks you over. “Are you okay doll?” You nod in the affirmative, but he can’t stop the fear that grips him. “Are you sure?”

You nod again, placing your hands on either side of his face. “Steve, look at me. I’m ok. I knew that at some point it would come out, someone was bound to say something. I’m ok.”

The look of tension didn’t go away, but he pulled you into a tight hug, almost so tight that you couldn’t breathe.

You end up curled up on the couch with soft blankets laying with your head on Steve’s lap watching an action movie. Well, you pretend to watch the movie, really you’re searching Steve’s face for any inclination that he’s anything other than ok. You can’t quite shake the feeling that he’s anything but.

“Steve,” you whisper, knowing that he can hear you, “Talk to me?”

Steve looks down to your face, “Doll?” He says looking concerned.

“Tell me what’s on your mind? Please?”

“I guess it just made me think about how easily you could be hurt. Your apartment doesn’t have great security, and I worry about you.”

“I’ll be ok Steve, I’m careful, and I spend more time with you than without you, unless you’re on a mission, and then well I guess we can both worry about each other right?”

“Missions,” Steve thinks, “I really need to fix that, she shouldn’t have to worry if I’m alive all the time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this one, lots of fluff, a little angst... who do you think tipped off the media? Let me know what you think! I love reading your comments!


	6. Sarah and HYDRA...

**A Couple Days Later**

A few days after your first official date, Steve knocks on your apartment door unexpectedly. You check the peephole and see that it is him, he’s carrying a brown box. You open the door and usher him inside.

“Hey, what’s up, I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

“Well, I had some time and I wanted to bring a couple things over.”

He set the box down on the entry way table and took a moment to sweep you into his arms and kiss you soundly. He handed you a new phone and tablet, and pulled out what looked like cameras, with lots of wires and other items that you couldn’t identify.

“What is all this?” You said looking confused

“New phone, it’s secure. if I’m on a mission, I can text or maybe even call depending on what’s going on. Tony installed J.A.R.V.I.S on it, fixed it so that you can ask it if I’m alright, can’t give you anything else, but you can at least know that. I know you worry. I was hoping it might give you some peace of mind. If you’re ever in trouble, there’s a blue button on the back, push it and it will send someone to you, no matter where you are. That feature is for me, I want to make sure you’re safe. The rest of this is a security system so that when I can’t be with you, I can know that you’re protected here.”

You looked up at Steve, a little unsure, but you understood where he was coming from. The other night in his apartment you talked a little about some of the people who might want to use you against him, the safety risks, he didn’t want you walking into anything blindly.

Steve spends most of the afternoon setting up the equipment he bought, it isn’t much, you live on the top floor of your apartment building. After he’s done, he shows you how to use the equipment, and you end up curled up on the couch together for the rest of the day.

**October 15, 2012**

**Avengers Tower**

You come up the elevator, hoping to surprise Steve after a long day at work for both of you. Something seems off about him today. His texts aren’t as happy as usual, he isn’t as talkative, so you decide to pick up his favorite take out. You knock on his door, and for a brief moment wonder if he’s not home, but then he opens his door, looking a little surprised to see you. He looks like he hasn’t slept in a while, his eyes are rimmed with red from tears, puffy and he just looks like something is wrong. You set the food down by the door and wrap him in a hug. He returns the hug, and then steps back a little, “I, I thought I’d bring by some food, it looks like you’ve had a bad day.”

Steve smiles softly, pulling you back into a tight hug before ushering you inside. You kiss his cheek, growing more worried, Steve is usually pretty talkative when you come to visit. “Hon,” you ask looking up at Steve, “What’s wrong?”

Steve sighs, taking the take out containers from you and setting them on the counter. “Just a hard day.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Its the anniversary of my ma’s death. It, it wasn’t a good death, she had tuberculosis.”

Steve’s eyes went a little glassy as the memory came back to him:

_He’d always been kind of sickly, but he’d never had anything close to what his mom had been going through. She coughed all the time, sometimes there would be blood. She was feverish, uncomfortable. It was hard to watch, and he knew that there wasn’t a cure. She had lost so much weight, she looked like just a shell of the beautiful woman who’d raised him. She was so pale, she spent more and more time in bed. The night she died, he’d sat there holding her hand. He was so scared. He didn’t know how to live life without her. She’d taught him so much, but she’d never taught him how to live without her. Her mind never left her, she was sharp as a tack until the very end, talking to him, telling him stories, broken up by fits of coughing, bloody phlegm coughed into a bowl as Steve passed her a glass of water. Later that night, she’d had her last coughing fit, it sounded like she was drowning. She was choking on her own blood and spit, and there was nothing that Steve could do. She died, her breathing stilled, and Steve cried harder than he’d ever cried._

You just held his hand, there wasn’t anything you could do except be there. Thankful that you had your parents back home. Eventually Steve looked up at you, tears in his eyes again, This time it’s you who pulls Steve in for a hug, holding him like you life depends on it. It feels like you’re holding him together, a little unsettling, normally its the other way around. He always seems so “in control” He buries his face in your neck, crying softly as you run your hands up and down his back in soothing circles. Soon, he looks up and kisses your forehead. “Thank you,” he whispers, “You’re always there when I need you.”

“Always.” You whisper back.

You eat in companionable silence, always touching each other, a hand on the thigh, shoulders pressing together, feet touching, little assurances that you are together and it will be ok. You find yourselves on the couch together, and soon, you fall asleep, holding Steve against your chest.

You wake up in the morning to a loud beeping sound coming from Steve’s phone. You gently shake him awake, “Steve, hon, your phone is going off”

Steve sits up, checks his phone and lets out a groan. “Mission” he says as he stands. “Gotta leave in an hour. You can stay if you want, I just need to get dressed”

You watch as Steve gets ready, his uniform in his signature red, white and blue, he slips on his gloves, opening a hidden gun safe on the wall, he checks each weapon carefully, arms himself and checks over his shield before sitting down beside you again, holding you close and taking in every moment with you he can get. His phone chirped, he picked it up and his face betrayed his nervousness for just a fleeting second before he helped you up and you walked with him up to the quinjet’s launch pad. The rest of the team was already on board.You kissed him soundly before he boarded. “Stay safe. Come home.” You pleaded softly. He held you close for just a moment longer. “You too doll, I’ll see you when I get back.”

You watched the jet take off, trying not to cry, and made your way down towards the street so you could head home. You carried your phone in your hand, shooting off a quick text to Steve.

[Y/N: I miss you already, go kick some butt and when you come home I’ll meet you with Chinese and we’ll watch old movies until we fall asleep on the couch]

[Steve: Miss you too, see you soon.]

You smiled down at your phone, wiping away some tears that began to fall, “He’s gonna be ok,” you think, remembering the sweet moments from the night before. You don’t notice the people following you. Not until it’s too late.Before you know what’s happening there is a hand around your throat. A metal hand clasps its hand over your mouth. You barely have time to press the blue button on your phone before your whole world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know.. sorry for the cliffhanger, but I promise I won't keep you waiting long! Let me know what you think? Will Steve find her? If you like the story and want to get some extras, join the Discord group! 
> 
> https://discord.gg/raT8xxp


	7. Homecoming

**On the QuinJet**

Suddenly everyone’s phone’s lit up, the LED’s on the back flashing blue. Just as Steve was about to check his phone, the pilot announced that they were approaching the drop zone. Steve stands, looking back at his phone, leaving it on the jet before jumping out of the jet, no parachute. Natasha looks down at her phone just after he jumps, looks at Clint and says “Shit, Cap’s not gonna like this one.”

Clint looks over at Nat’s phone, seeing the alert that your phone had sent out. You were in trouble and there was not one member of the Avenger’s team back at the tower. “Should we call S.H.I.E.L.D.? Fury?”

“I don’t know, but Cap can’t know until after this. We don’t need him distracted.”

The mission doesn’t go smoothly, their cover was blown, it was clear that they had been expected. There were too many HYDRA goons in the building, too many of them waiting for them. After what felt like hours of fighting, the team staggered back onto the jet. Clint and Natasha has mainly cuts and bruises, Tony was fine, Bruce was fine, but Steve, Steve took the worst of it. A gunshot to the ribs and the knee. He wouldn’t die, the serum would be sure of that, but the blood loss and the bullets itself would be enough to keep him out of the loop for a while. Steve laid on the floor, wincing and thinking about how you were going to have his tail for getting hurt, well after you fussed like a mother hen for a while.

Once the jet landed, the team made sure that Steve made it into the medbay before Natasha motioned to the team that she needed to speak with them. Everyone made their way out of the room and into the common room. “Y/N activated her panic button. No one was here. I sent an agent out on our way back to check on her. She’s gone. Her phone was left on the road. It looks like someone took her.”

**A HYDRA Base in Upstate New York**

You’re slapped awake by a man with long dark hair and a metal arm, his mouth is covered with what looks to be a metal muzzle. Your head hurts, and your eyes open in horror as you realize you’re strapped to a table, straps forcing your arms down by your sides and keeping your legs from moving. The man walks out of your field of vision, and a man you don’t recognize walks into it. He jabs a needle into your neck, and your body began to burn, you let out a scream, and the man laughed,

You hoped that Steve would find you soon, that the button worked. But you really just didn’t know. You lied to yourself, told yourself that you were sure he was going to come through that door any minute. You just had to hang on until he got there. Steve was coming. He had to be.

The man with the metal arm stood over you, his eyes were cold, unfeeling. As if he wasn’t really there. You leaned your head back against the table, you quit fighting, and you did your best to keep breathing.

**Avenger’s Tower**

They didn’t know where you where. Not a clue, the camera on your phone only caught a hand, no faces, no noise. They didn’t know where to startt, and no one wanted to tell Steve. Tony began hacking into every database he could find, cameras, microphones anything. He found the security footage of you being taken. Calling the team over, Natasha froze as she watched a man she didn’t recognize choke the life out of you. “Tony,” she said “that’s HYDRA, we have to find her, and now.”

A few hours later, Tony found something he thought might be a lead, “Hey, Nat, I think I found something. Base, upstate, should we try and check it out?”

**HYDRA Base: Upstate New York**

Ten minutes later, the team, minus Steve are on the jet, heading for the base. Arriving, they fan out, Natasha and Clint take down the guards, they make their way inside, they don’t immediately find you, but they make their way through the compound as alarms sound, and the man with the metal arm runs as does the other strange man. You’re still strapped to the table, wondering if you’re going to die there. The door busts down, you see the red and gold of Tony’s suit, he picks you up, and blasts his way out of the structure. Natasha, Clint and Bruce are inside the jet waiting already. Nat pulls you into a hug, checking you over briefly before yelling at Clint to get you guys in the air.

**Avenger’s Tower**

Minutes later, you find yourself at the tower, carried off and into the medbay, it dawns on you. “Where’s Steve?” You ask everyone, ignoring the burning in your veins. No one answers. “Where’s Steve?” You begin to look around and panic a little. “Someone tell me? Where is he? Where is Steve?” Tears come down your face, and Tony, who’s carrying you again, makes an abrupt about face and carries you into a different room. One where you come face to face with Steve, covered in bandages, looking as if he’d been brought back from hell itself, Tony lays you down gently on another bed in the room, Bruce comes in to take a look at you, asking you questions as the burning gets worse. He draws some blood, and places it in the centrifuge.

“My God,” you whisper as the burning subsides for a moment “What happened to him?”

Natasha sits by your side, “Hard battle, he’ll be ok, he just needs a little time to recover.”

Tears prick your eyes as the weight of everything you’d been through that day falls through your mind. You try to stay quiet, not wanting to disturb or wake Steve, he’d been through enough for the day. You closed your eyes and soon the darkness overtook you. You didn’t know if it was sleep or if your mind had just had enough, but when you woke, you were hooked up to IVs and monitors, and found yourself staring into a very worried pair of blue eyes from the bed beside yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a little short and a little abrupt, I didn't want to end this one on a huge cliff, more coming tomorrow! Or maybe today!


	8. The Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to speed up a bit, more fluff and angst to come. Let me know what you think of the story so far! More to come tomorrow!

Sometime in the night, someone had pushed Steve’s bed close to yours, you could hear the beeping of the monitors keeping track of your vitals and his, the sterile smell of the room was tainted with the smell of blood. Again, you were met with the blue eyes that you’d hoped you’d see. “Steve?” Your voice came out gravelly, not having been used during the night. He reached out his hand to take yours through the railing, not speaking, just holding you the only way her could.

What seemed like forever passed, nurses came in and out, you drifted off to sleep and awake a few times, and finally Bruce came back in, carrying a lab report. He sat in a chair near the bed, and took a deep breath before speaking. “We know what they tried to do.” He said quietly. Steve looked up. He obviously didn’t know what had happened yet.

“What who tried to do?” He finally spoke, still holding your hand.

Bruce looked up, “HYDRA, Steve, it was HYDRA, they took her while we were gone. Snatched her right off the street.” Bruce was obviously angry about it, but trying his hardest to stay in control.

You squeezed Steve’s hand tightly. “Bruce, what did they do to me?”

“They tried to turn you into a super soldier. Some version of what Dr. Erkstine did to Steve, it shouldn’t have any lasting effects provided you aren’t exposed to a large amount of gamma radiation, which I don’t think will be a problem. I’d like to keep you here for another day to watch your vitals, and then we can figure out what to do from there. I think your body will expel their version of the serum.”

“Hey Bruce,” you said as he stood to leave, “Would you mind helping me with something?”

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Can you put the middle railing down, I want to be able to lay down with Steve.”

“Sure thing, Y/N”

Bruce put down your railing and then Steve’s. You gently sat up and scooted your way next to Steve under his uninjured side and nuzzled your face into his neck and let out the tears that you’d been holding in. He wrapped his arm around you and held you tightly, trying not to tangle your IV lines. Bruce smiled at the two of you, and then left the room, tapping the window to turn the glass opaque and give you some much needed privacy.

“Doll,” Steve said quietly once your sobs had lessened into sniffles “When did this happen? Why didn’t you press your button?”

“Right after I left the tower, I only made it a block or two. I did press the button Steve; he knocked my phone out of my hand, the next thing I remember is being slapped awake by a guy with a metal arm. It all felt like a crazy nightmare. The only people I saw were the man with the arm and a guy in a white coat. Some kind of mad scientist. He jabbed a syringe of some kind into my neck and from there you know the rest, Tony saved me and got me out of there. Nat and Clint and everyone else was waiting in the jet and they brought me back here.”

Steve’s breath hitched, you’d needed him and he’d been on a mission. “Please don’t do this Steve,” you whispered seeing where his mind was going, “this isn’t your fault.”

“I should have been there.”

“You were saving the world.”

“I should have been saving my girl”

He kissed your cheek, breathing you in like he’d never see you again. You clung tightly to him, feeling the scratchy hospital gown he wore, which did nothing to conceal the tight muscles underneath it.

“Steve?”

“Yes doll”

“Tell me what happened to you? Please?”

“It’s a long story hon, and I just want to hold you.”

“Okay” you said “What’s hurt, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“My right knee and side, took a couple bullets. It’ll be fine in a week or so. They say I should be able to get out of here tonight. I think I’ll stay until you can leave with me though.”

“My hero” you whispered, suddenly feeling very sleepy, you tuck your head back into his chest and close your eyes against the bright light of the room. You barely register Steve asking J.A.R.V.I.S. to dim the lights in the room as he pulled a blanket over the two of you.

When you wake up, it’s late, Steve is still holding you, and you can feel his steady, even breathing above you. Even asleep he’s still taking care of you. You glance around the room and see Natasha sitting in a chair on the other side of Steve, reading a book. She hears your breathing change and looks up.

“Hey, Y/N, you doing alright”

“Yeah,” you whisper, trying not to wake Steve

“They said he can leave whenever he’s ready, but I don’t think he’ll be leaving you here.”

You tried not to laugh, and felt Steve move a little underneath you. His eyes opened and he looked down at you and then over to Natasha, you forgot how light of a sleeper he can be. “It’s ok hon, go back to sleep. You lean up to kiss his cheek “Hey Natasha?”

Mhm, she hums as she looks up “Do you think someone could grab some sweatpants for me? I really hate hospital gowns.”

Natasha laughed and nodded, “I’ll grab you some sweatpants, I think we have some around that will fit you.

Steve sat up, “Just grab a pair from my room, they’ll be the comfiest for her.”

You’d hoped he’d go back to sleep, but no such luck. Soon, a nurse came in and took out Steve’s IV and you sat up so they could check his bandages one last time. You winced a little as you noticed that they were still bloody. Steve looked over to you, you noticed that he was still holding your hand. His eyes were soft and he shifted so you had a little more room. “I’m not going anywhere hon, just rest, you can get out of here in the morning and we can figure everything out from there.”

The next morning, after a thorough check up, you were cleared to leave the medbay. Steve walked with you up to the elevator where the whole team was waiting. Everyone took turns hugging you, and Tony smiled and said “Surprise!” As he gestured to a room with the door open. You looked inside with surprise. “Tony?” You questioned.

“We figured it might be good for you to have a room here in the tower. That way when we are all gone you can stay here.” Natasha said, “So we all rearranged a little so you can take the room closest to Steve.”

Your eyes widen a little, you never thought about living in the tower. Even if it was only part time.


	9. Close to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading In The Midst of Fireworks, this story is not beta read and while I'm trying to keep it as close to canon compliant as possible, sometimes things are going to diverge from canon to suit the story. I'm so excited that you're reading this and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it! 
> 
> -The Practical Heart Mom

“Thank you” you smile, unsure of what else to say. Steve tucks you closer to him, and mumbles something to himself about not leaving again. You ignore it, making a mental note to talk to him about it later. You and Steve walk into your new room, and you’re surprised to find that its been decorated, the walls are a soft grey and the bed has a beautiful white comforter with a deep purple blanket tucked in near the bottom, with so many pillows you really don’t know what to do. You turn to Tony, leaving Steve for just a moment to hug him and each of the other team members.

Taking your place back with Steve, you smile and kiss his cheek. “You had a hand in this didn’t you?” You murmured in his ear, masking it with a soft kiss to his jaw.

Looking around again, you saw a t.v with a dresser underneath and a beautiful view of the city. Steve showed you his favorite part, and you smiled because you knew that he’d definitely had a hand in it. A reading nook just with space for two people and shelves that would hold as many books as your heart desired. He showed you the closet, already stocked with a few outfits for every occasion, including a few formals that you’d see in your latest shipment that Steve knew you’d love but would never buy for yourself. Suddenly, you yawned, turning to the bed, you sat down, motioning for Steve to join you, you curled up into his side and dozed for a moment or two.

When you opened your eyes, Steve wasn’t there. You stretched and stumbled out of bed to go looking for him. You could hear his voice out in the common area. You paused when you realized he sounded angry. You’d never really seen Steve angry.

“No, I’m not going on any more missions until we find a way to keep her safe. I’m not doing it. I don’t care what Fury wants. I’m not going.”

You move back to the bed, not wanting to overhear something that you’re not meant to overhear. You hear a knock at the door, and Natasha steps inside. “Hey, Y/N, got a minute?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Steve followed her in, looking at her suspiciously.

“I want you to train with me.” She said with a smile.

You looked to Steve, who looked a little shocked before considering the idea briefly.

“Steve?” You looked to him, trying to discern where all this was coming from.

“I want you to know how to protect yourself.” Steve said nodding. “If anyone can teach you how to do that, it’s Nat.”

“Ok, when do we start?” You say feeling a little apprehensive

“Tomorrow morning, 07:30” Natasha said before turning to leave with an ‘I told you so’ look at Steve.

Steve walked over and pulled you up out of bed, pulling you to his chest. You wouldn’t realize it, but he was scared. He didn’t know what to think about that, he wasn’t scared often, but he was terrified of losing you.

**The Next Morning 06:30**

Your alarm went off, and you found yourself awake next to a sleeping Steve, his features still, relaxed, you really didn’t want to get up, but you were supposed to meet Natasha in an hour and you knew you needed a shower, and tea, if you wanted to survive the morning. You slipped out of bed quietly, turning on the water and stepping inside, washing quickly, and finding a pair of your own sweatpants and a tank top to put on. You didn’t do a whole lot about your hair, other than brush it and tuck it away in a neat bun. You put on a pair of running shoes and walked back out into the bedroom. Steve was still sleeping peacefully, so you leaned down to place a soft kiss on his temple, left a note and stepped out into the common room.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., can you help me find the training room.” You asked quietly, hoping not to wake anyone else.

Natasha tapped on your shoulder and you jumped, nearly shrieking. “Are you ready to go?” She asked with a smirk.

Nodding, you follow her down the hall and into a large room with all sorts of workout equipment, she passes most of it and leads you to the back of the room towards a large mat. “Let’s get started.” Natasha smiled. “First thing is first, you need to learn to throw a punch.”

You spend most of the morning learning how to punch, kick, and most importantly avoid anything that comes at you. At the end of your training session, you and Nat sit on the mats, talking like old friends. “So,” she said with a smirk, “I hear you thought I wanted to kill you for a while.”

“Well yeah, there for a while.” You laughed.

“I’ve always liked you. You’re made of strong stock. Steve couldn’t do better. You fit in with our team like you were made to be a part of it. Honestly I’ve never see him so happy. Just be careful, when we got back and realized that you’d been taken,” She shudders. “Well, we realized that none of us wanted to be the one to tell Steve. We all knew that it would break him. He couldn’t take it if something happened to you.”

You nod solemnly, thinking about the short time that you were kidnapped, thinking about hearing Steve say he wouldn’t go on anymore missions. Natasha stood, and reached down to help you up. “Hey,” she said breaking you out of your thoughts, “Let’s go find Steve, I’m sure he’s awake by now. He’s probably already had his run.”

You both head back to the common area, Steve is making breakfast, he smiles when you walk in, pausing what he’s doing to kiss you. “Hey handsome,” you murmur to him.

“Morning doll, did you have a good training session? Nat didn’t work you too hard did she?”

You laugh and shake your head. He hands you a plate filled with biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs and sausage before making his own and sitting beside you at the breakfast bar. He slides a glass of Coke your way, and smiles, taking your hand with his for a moment before beginning to eat.

“Doll?” Steve asked when you were nearly done with breakfast.

“Yeah?” You looked up at him.

“Want to go check out a museum today? I thought we could go into D.C.. It’s a bit of a drive, but I thought it might be fun to take a day trip.”

“Are you feeling up to it?” You eye his side and his leg.

“Of course, I told you, I’d only be down for a couple days.”

You nod, “Well then I guess I’d better go get ready.”

You stand up, cleaning your plate, and go get dressed, you search in the closet for a minute before finding a beautiful white lace top and a pair of bright mustard yellow jeans. You pair them with a pair of adorable brown booties, pulling your hair down and into a ponytail and doing your makeup, simple, but pretty, you thought to yourself.

Steve walked back in and stopped in his tracks. “You look beautiful doll, absolutely stunning.”

You smile at him, taking in his simple outfit, a white shirt, tight fitted blue jeans, and a blue wind breaker. “You ready to go?” You asked.

Steve nods and takes your hands. Kissing you before spinning you around, making you laugh. “Let’s get going”

He leads you to the parking garage, helping you onto his motorcycle after checking to make sure your helmet is secured. The drive to D.C. is long, but it’s beautiful, and you find yourself just enjoying the closeness. Steve drives too fast, but you’re so used to it that you find it exhilarating. He stops at a parking garage and finds a space for his bike before helping you off and stowing your helmet.

Steve spends the day showing you around D.C., even showing you his apartment there, you buy a small metal Captain America shield necklace from a street vendor, and Steve can’t help but laugh. He takes you through the Smithsonian, showing you the monuments and sights, telling you about his past, what it was like to live in the forties, what it was like to be in the war, his mom, his best friend Bucky, and eventually, you find yourself at a little cafe near the wharf, vines all over the walls, industrial looking, with the best philly cheesesteak you’ve ever tasted.

“Did you know yellow is my favorite color?” Steve asks.

“No, I would have thought it was red or blue.”

“Yellow is so happy, I’ve just always liked it.”

“Mine used to be purple, but now it’s blue.”

“Why blue?”

“It reminds me of your eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, updates will come a little quicker again, I've been dealing with some personal stuff, but I'm back to writing! I love reading your comments!


	10. Mr. Perfect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me! We're leading up to some big events. Here's a little fluff, and a little angst for you. Enjoy!

The next few weeks were a blur, clients, appointments, training with Nat, you seemed to be getting better, Steve even sparred with you a few times, and while you knew he wasn’t throwing punches as hard as he could, you weren’t having as much trouble keeping up as you had originally. Steve still hadn’t gone out on any missions, even when the rest of the team had, and you were worried.

[Steve: Hey doll, are you free for dinner tonight?]

[Y/N: For you? Always.]

[Steve: I’ll pick you up from work. Special place tonight? Tony got us reservations.]

You smiled, knowing just what you’d wear before texting back.

[Y/N: Sure, we’ll have to stop by my place so I can get ready]

[Steve: Sounds like a plan. See you at 5pm]

You checked your watch, 2 hours. “Hey Cherie,” you hollered, no one in the store but the two of you. “What to help me find something vintage inspired for a date?”

“Of course!” Cherie smiled and dragged you off to be her own personal Barbie doll.

After a couple of hours, you found an outfit you knew Steve would just love. A beautiful yellow swing dress that hugged all the right places, a pair of heels with sunflowers on them, and some simple jewelry in a bag. Before you knew it, Cherie was swooning as Steve came in to pick you up from work.

“Hey doll, ready to go?” He looked handsome in a suit, he kissed your cheek and after grabbing your purse, you made your way back to your apartment with Steve.

“Give me just a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go.”

Steve settled on the couch and you hurried to get ready, curling your hair and pinning it up elegantly, doing your make up, natural but with just enough color, and then put on your dress, smiling in the mirror. Switching out your purse for a much smaller clutch, you step out into the living room and tap Steve on the shoulder.

Steve turns around and then stands up and turns around a little too quickly. “Wow” he says eyes wide and smile even wider, “Darling, you look so beautiful. When did you get this? I love it.” He takes a second to take you in.

“Cherie helped me pick it out today at the store. I hoped you’d like it.”

“You look like we should be going out dancing. Just wow.”

You’d never seen the super-soldier at a loss for words, it was cute. Steve smiled and led you out the door, the widest grin you’d ever seen. He led you out to the street and you walked to a restaurant that you’d been dying to try forever, but hadn’t been able to get reservations. You are led to a private table, set for two. Shortly after you’re seated, you order and a vintage bottle of wine is brought to the table. Steve looks at you, smiles and begins to speak. “Doll, do you remember where we were a year ago?”

You think about it, “Our lunch date! Has that been a year?”

“it has, and there’s something I really wanted to tell you.” Steve fiddles with the promise ring he chose a few weeks ago in his pocket as a man with long dark hair and a muscular build wearing a grey suit and a pastel yellow tie swoops in and picks you up twirling you around.

“You look so beautiful!” The man says “How have you been?” He puts you down.

You blush, and Steve looks murderous. He pulls you back behind him glaring at the man. “And who are you?” He grunts out, trying not to punch the man.

“Oh!” The man says surprised. “I’m Richard,” he holds his hand out to Steve, unfazed. “I’m Y/N’s ex-boyfriend.”

Steve shakes his hand a little too hard, and Richard winces slightly at the pressure. You peek out from behind Steve’s shoulder. “How is doctors without borders, have you learned any boundaries yet?” You bite out, feeling a little more than irritated at the interruption.

Richard looks to you wide eyed. “You left me!”

“You were never there! You were always gone saving the fucking world!”

Richard throws his hands up and stalks off, cursing to himself. Steve whirls around and looks to you. “What was that?”

“That, was my asshole ex.”

The rest of your date was tense, conversation was minimal and before you know it, you’re walking back outside, Steve’s hand at the small of your back. You see flashes from a camera and then yelling as a few members of the paparazzi spot you and Steve, and begin running after you. Steve sweeps you up and runs with you to you apartment, but instead of coming inside like he normally would, he stops at your door, waiting for you to enter and then leaves. Heading back to the tower. You stop, stunned and sit on your couch and begin to cry.

[Y/N: Nat? Has Steve made it home yet? He left and I’m worried.]

[Nat: He just got in. What happened?]

[Y/N: Ran into my ex. Then some paparazzi. He brought me home and then left. DIdn’t say a word. Not even goodbye. I don’t know what I did wrong.]

**Stark Tower - After your date**

Steve walks in, crestfallen. Natasha looks up from her phone, annoyed. “You’re an idiot. You know that right? You just left?”

“Nat, I don’t wan to talk about it.”

“You don’t have to talk to me. But if you don’t talk to her, she’s going to leave. You love her and you’re acting like a child. You hurt her Steve. Fix it.”

Steve shakes his head, walking into his apartment and sitting on his bed. He reaches over and picks up a photo of himself and Peggy. “Peggy, I miss you. I wish I knew what to do here. You always knew what to do.”

[Nat: Just talked to Steve. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but he’s home and hopefully he’ll text you soon. Are we still on to train tomorrow?]

[Y/N: Yeah, I’ll see you at 8]

[Nat: See you then.]

[Nat: Hey, Y/N, don’t be too hard on him. Ok?]

Steve sat for a while, thinking about what had happened, the man that interuppted him just before he was going to finally admit that he loved you. “Damn it. I was a grade A jerk.” He picked up his phone, typing and retyping a message before finally accepting that no words were perfect and going with what his heart said.

[Steve: I’m sorry, I was a jerk.]

[Read: 9:43pm]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me the inspiration to keep writing this! I love hearing from you! I'll be posting a little more frequently from now on!


	11. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but I'll be updating again soon. We have an important medical visit for my daughter tomorrow that could be life-altering so I'm going to update tonight and hope for another update by the end of the week. I love reading your comments and seeing your kudos, it makes my day!

[Steve: Y/N, please talk to me]

[Read: 10:32pm]

[Steve: Y/N, please I’m worried]

[Read: 12:15am]

[Steve: Y/N, I’m sorry please.]

[Read: 2:55am]

Your training session with Nat went as well as normal, she used J.A.R.V.I.S. to lock Steve out of the training room and you managed to make it out of the tower without seeing him. The rest of the day passed with no contact from you. Steve asked Nat to text you. She told him that he screwed up and it was his job to fix it not hers. Nat did text you though, just to make sure you’re ok.

[Nat: Hey, Steve said he hasn’t been able to get ahold of you. I just wanted to make sure you’re alive and well.]

[Y/N: Yeah I’m alive, and well enough I guess]

[Nat: Good, see you tomorrow]

The next day was much the same, texts from Steve came in all day, you trained with Nat, and noticed him watching from the window. After a particularly brutal training session, you exit the room, sweaty and tired, and Steve catches your arm. “Y/N, please talk to me.”

“Steve, I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

You push past him and walk out of the tower, heading home for a shower and off to work. After work, you arrive home to your apartment, and after you check your phone you see another 10 or so missed text messages and calls. You throw your phone on the bed and make a small dinner before falling asleep. You wake up to banging on your door.

“Y/N, please talk to me.” You hear Steve’s voice, he sounds panicked. You jumped out of bed, shaking your head.

“Fine,” You mutter opening the door, Steve is in his uniform, with a bouquet of sunflowers. He looks like he’s been crying, his eyes are red rimmed and puffy. “Come in. What’s with the stars and stripes today?”

“I’ve got to head out on a mission tonight, shouldn’t be but a day or two, it’s just me this time, Fury came to ask me himself, and I couldn’t leave knowing that we left things badly. I’m sorry. I should never have acted that way. It’s just that you’ve never minded me saving the world, but that’s why you broke up with the other guy, and I’m confused and a little afraid.”

“He was also sleeping with about half of New York City Steve, he wouldn’t tell me when he was leaving, he’d just ghost me for weeks or months at a time. You always communicate as much as you can. It’s different Steve.”

Steve reaches out and pulls you into a bear hug. “Losing you is the only thing that scares me Y/N” his eyes betray his emotion. “I almost lost you because of my own stubbornness and idiocy. I won’t do that again.” Steve kisses your hair softly, swaying back and forth slightly. “Come back with me to the tower? I would feel better if you stayed there while I”m gone.”

You nod and go to pack an overnight bag. You follow Steve outside and he helps you onto his bike, speeding towards the tower. You hold on to him and find yourself shivering a bit. You were just fighting, and now he’s leaving. You’ve never been more scared for him. He was going alone. He rarely ever did that.

Before you know it, you’re standing on the Quinjet platform, kissing Steve goodbye. “Come home to me Steve. No heroics. Ok? Just come home safely.”

He nods, kisses you back and steps up into the jet without looking back. You watch as it takes off, and you go back to hide in your room. Tears fall down your face and you do your best to keep quiet. J.A.R.V.I.S. speaks up. “Miss Y/N, you are in distress, should I send for someone?”

“No, thank you J.A.R.V.I.S., I just want to be alone.”

“As you wish”

You fall into a fitful sleep, nightmares plague you, every way that Steve’s mission could go wrong. Every way that something could happen. Every way HYDRA could grab you again. You wake up to a knock on your door. Opening it, you see Natasha and Tony, both look concerned. “Everything okay?” You ask sleepily.

“J.A.R.V.I.S. said you needed help?” Natasha said, only then did you notice that Tony had his repulsers on and Natasha was armed.

“I’m fine, just nightmares. I promise.”

Tony nodded and turned away, Natasha followed you back into the room. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, just some nightmares, it’l be better once Steve gets home. It always is.”

“That was some fight. Are you two ok?”

“Yeah, he apologized, brought me a big bunch of sunflowers.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Yeah, he’s a good man.”

“He loves you. You know that right?”

“Really? He’s never said it.”

The first day passes much like the last several, no word from Steve, training with Nat, working as much as you can from your laptop. The second day, you find yourself a little more restless, and after a training session, you run a couple of miles on the treadmill. Still feeling a little restless, but with nothing else really left to do, you find yourself sitting back in your room, curling up into one of Steve’s hoodies. “J.A.R.V.I.S?”

“How can I assist you, Miss Y/N”

“Do you have a status report on Steve?”

“Captain Rogers has not called in a report ma’m”

“Thank you J.A.R.V.I.S.”

You curl up on the bed, and before you know it fall back asleep. You wake up to the weight shifting on your bed, you realize that its late, the sun has gone down. You’ve missed lunch and dinner and your stomach growls loudly. Opening your eyes, you see Steve, no worse for the wear other than his hair being a little messed up and dirty. “Y/N, hey doll, I’m home.”

You shoot up out of bed and hug him, straddling his lap, you kiss his cheeks and then his lips. He tastes like sweat and smells, but you don’t care. You’re just glad he’s home. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, sweetheart. I’m sorry it took so long.”

“Why don’t you shower and I’ll make us something to eat? I think I slept through lunch, and by the looks of it dinner too.”

“That sounds nice honey, I’ll meet you out there in a minute or two”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're leading up to Captain America: The Winter Soldier!


	12. The Christmas Gift

**December 2012, Avenger’s Tower**

You and Steve watch in horror as Tony and Pepper’s house flashes across the screen. Tony taunted the Mandarin and paid the price. The explosion was devastating as you see half of the home fall into the ocean. You feel hot tears fall down your face, and turn into a Steve, afraid to watch more. Three helicopters had taken aim at Tony, it looked like he was dead. He was your friend and he was dead. Neither of you said anything as Steve held you, still watching the screen, running his hand up and down your spine as he held your head to his chest.

A few days later, on Christmas, you find yourself still feeling sad, now not only is Tony missing, a short video from his suit the only reason you know he’s alive, Pepper is missing too. Everyone in the tower is on edge, waiting for an attack, when on the screen, you witness Tony defeating a plot against the President on live tv. “Steve!” You shout across the room, “It’s Tony, and Pepper, they’re okay!”

Steve rushes over to watch with you as Tony embraces Pepper. You turn and kiss Steve, tension releasing from your body. J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupts to inform everyone that Tony and Pepper will be home in four hours.

Hours later, the majority of the team watches as Pepper and Tony step off the jet. They are ushered inside and everyone heads to the med bay to have them checked over. Tony is bloodied, cuts litter his body, but he sits at the end of Pepper’s bed, rubbing soothing circles into her ankle while she is hooked up to an IV solution to help stabilize the Extremis drug she was injected with. Steve tugs you from the room after a hug to both Tony and Pepper and soft words telling them you’re glad they are safe.

Making it upstairs to Steve’s apartment, Steve pulls you down onto the couch with him. He holds you close and kisses your cheek. “Stay,” he whispers, “I don’t want you to go home tonight.”

Nodding, you lean into him, hearing his heart beat in his chest, and feeling how warm he always seems to be. Before long, your breathing evens out and you are asleep, cradled into Steve’s chest.

Steve smiled looking down at you as you slept, Thinking of the small box wrapped under the tree. It would wait until tomorrow.

**December 26, 2012**

The next morning as you opened your eyes, you smiled to see yourself curled against Steve on the couch. “How is it that we always fall asleep on the couch?” You think to yourself, smiling at Steve’s calm features. He looks so peaceful in his sleep. You kiss his chest sleepily and feel his arms tighten around you. Smiling, he sits up with you and presses a kiss to your hair. “Hey doll, good morning.”

“Good morning handsome, ready to get up?”

“Sure”

Breakfast is easy like always, and then Steve leads you over to the tree. “In all the excitement last night, we never opened presents, I have something for you.” Steve smiles.

Steve hands you a package, wrapped in pretty silver paper, it’s small, and Steve is nearly shaking as he hands it to you. Unwrapping the package feels like it’s a precipice, a cliff that once you go over, you’re either going to fly or fall. You quickly realize it’s a ring box, and Steve can’t hold it in anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a mean cliffhanger, but I promise more to come sooner rather than later! Thank you for all your kudos, bookmarks and comments!


	13. The Ghost of Christmas

Opening the box, you see a beautiful silver ring, with a small sapphire on top, dainty, and just your style, looking up at Steve, you freeze. He looks at you with panic. “It..It’s not an engagement ring, it’s a promise ring, it’s a promise that I will always come home to you. I may not always be here, but you’re my home, Y/N”

Tears sprang up in you eyes as you smile and lean forward to kiss him. “It’s beautiful Steve.”

Looking inside the ring as you slip it on your hand, you see that the inside of the ring is engraved with the words “I will always come home to you”

Steve smiled and you handed him your gift. Nervous, he opens the box and smiles, its a photo album, small enough to fit in the pocket of his suit, filled with pictures of all of the adventures you’ve gone on together. “I wanted you to have something to remind you of home.”

“Captain Rogers,” J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupts “Director Fury is on the line for you.”

“I’ll be right back dear. I promise.”

A few minutes later, Steve comes back in with a sad and solemn look on his face. You jump up, closing the space between the two of you. “What’s wrong?”

“Fury wants me to move back to D.C., he wants me closer by for missions.”

“We’ll figure it out. Its only 3 hours away, I can take the train to see you on weekends and when work lets up.”

“We will, doll.”

“When do you have to be there?”

“By the first”

“That’s not much time, but I guess we’ll make the most of it.”

Steve nods, and you try to hide how sad you are, but Steve is worth it. He’s home to you too.

That night, you and Steve decide that you just don’t feel like going home. You watch movies, play a few card games, and just generally soak up the time together. Soon, it’s time to go to bed, Steve tugs you towards his room, and you follow, inside, you find yourself feeling a little nervous, you’ve never been inside Steve’s bedroom before. It has the same contemporary furnishings as your apartment in the tower, but the rest of the space feels distinctly Steve. The bed has a soft brown suede comforter on it, with just 2 white pillows, the walls are covered in framed artwork, things Steve had drawn in the past, his sketchbook and pencils lie on one of the nightstands. On the same nightstand, you see a photo of Steve and a beautiful woman with brown hair and a uniform on. It looks like a very old photo. “Who’s this?” You ask Steve quietly.

“That’s Peggy. One of the best women I’ve ever met.”

**December 28th, 2012**

You and Steve stand together near Pepper, watching as Tony has open heart surgery to remove the shrapnel and the arc reactor from his chest. It felt like you had held your breath forever, from the moment they began to open Tony’s chest, to the moment they closed it, weaving steel wires in and out of his sternum like shoelaces. Stitching his chest closed, the surgeon turned and gave all of us a thumbs up, the tension in the air relaxing and you turn to hug Pepper.

**December 31st, 2012**

You and Steve enjoy the last night together curled up in your living room, watching the countdown as the night slips away. Three. Two. One. You kiss Steve passionately, wishing that he didn’t have to leave tomorrow. Wishing you could go with him. Perhaps you could, but you’d need to find a job there first.

“Steve?” You said breaking the kiss.

“Yeah doll?”

“What do you think about me moving to D.C. while you’re there? I’d need to find a job first, but we wouldn’t be so far apart that way?”

“Doll, hopefully this will be just for a little while. I need you to hold down the fort here. We’ll see each other every weekend and as often as I can manage in between ok?”

You nod your head sadly. Did he not want you close by?

**January 1st, 2013**

You kiss Steve goodbye, promising to see him as soon as you can, hugging him tightly, you don’t let the tears fall until he’s out of sight, and then fall they do, and they don’t stop. You flop down on your bed at the Tower, your new permanent residence until Steve moves back to New York. It’s just too scary without him, and you cry.Its a New Year, and its already off to a horrible start. Your phone buzzes but you don’t answer it. You don’t want Steve to know that you’re upset. He can’t know.

**January 2nd**

Feeling hungover from crying all night, you drag yourself out of bed long enough to call in to work. You finally check your phone.

[Steve: Hey doll, I made it. I miss you]

[Steve: You ok?]

[Missed Call: Steve]

[Missed Call: Steve]

[Steve: Doll, I’m worried, are you alright?]

[Steve: Doll, Nat says you haven’t been out of your room since I left.]

[Missed Call: Steve]

You begin to respond with a text message when Steve calls again. You hit the decline button, but J.A.R.V.I.S. speaks up and tells you his protocol is being overridden. Steve’s voice fills your room.

“Y/N, I just need to know that you’re ok.” Steve’s voice sounds worried, almost on the verge of tears.

“I… I’m ok hon. I promise. This is just going to take some getting used to is all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for continuing to read, here's the next chapter! I love all the kudos and comments, it makes me excited to write the next chapter! You're all amazing!


	14. Going the Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fluff to tide everyone over until the next update, we’ll be heading into Winter Soldier next!

**The next Friday**

You were sitting on your bed, closing your eyes and trying not to cry for the thousandth time in the day when you heard a knock at your door. “Go away” you huffed, figuring it was Nat or Tony, they’d been bothering you all day, trying to get you to come out. You knew that they were worried, but you really just wanted to be alone. You missed Steve.

The door opened, and you huffed, pulling the covers around you like a giant fluffy burrito, burying your face into a pillow. “I said go away”

“I’m wounded, I would have thought you were excited to see me.”

Hearing Steve’s voice, you shot out of bed, crossing the distance between you in just a couple of quick steps, and leapt into Steve’s arms, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, kissing him softly.

Steve caught you, smiling. “I was worried about you. Tony called, said you wouldn’t come out of your room.”

“I’m fine. I just miss you.”

“Doll, you have to keep moving. Life can’t stop just because I’m not here.”

“I’m scared Steve. What if they find me again? What if something happens to you and I’m not there? What if you find someone else who’s better than me, and it’s easier because they are closer? What if..”

Steve pressed a finger to your lips. “Shh doll, take a deep breath.”

You tried to take a deep breath, and tears began to roll down your face. Steve sits down with you still clinging to him. He runs a hand up and down your back softly. “Doll, it’s gonna be ok. I promise. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

A couple more deep breaths and you’re done crying. Steve suggests that you go to get dinner and you nod, pulling on jeans and a sweatshirt. You head down the elevator, hand in Steve’s, Your eyes are still puffy, but he looks at you like you’re the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. It’s cold outside, and even though you’re wearing a heavy winter coat, you find yourself shivering. Steve wraps his arm around you and you smile, leaning into his side. “I missed you, Steve.”

“I’ve missed you too. It’s hard not having my best girl close by.”

You nod and soon, you find yourself outside a little Italian restaurant. Steve asks for a table, and although the hostess gawks at him for a second, she finds you a private table for two near the back of the place. Steve sits facing the doors, as always, after pulling out your chair. You both order and find yourself talking as if you still saw each other everyday.

**February 2013**

The month of January went by quicker than you thought it would. Steve would come back to New York anytime he got the chance, after missions, randomly to see you, and every weekend that he wasn’t on a mission without fail. You text each other constantly, enjoying little conversations as you can. Its hard, but Steve makes it worth it. You don’t go out with friends much, you’re still too worried about what could happen if you do. Sometimes, you swear you see the man with the metal arm out near the tower. You’ve told the team, but its like he’s a ghost. No camera could catch him. You didn’t tell Steve, and you asked the team to keep it a secret too, he was going on far more missions lately, and you didn’t need him to be distracted.

**March 2013**

Steve showed up at your door, stressed. He’s been more and more stressed the past few months. More missions than ever, and you’ve barely seen each other. He comes in, and you both curl up on the couch. You don’t feel the need to go anywhere, you just want to be in the same space together.

On Easter, you find yourself smiling as you watch an egg hunt. You’re helping a little girl with her basket, and Steve, who’s been hiding out waiting for an opportunity to surprise you smiles, you’re going to make a great mom someday. Once all the eggs are gathered, and the children have left, he walks up to you, in a giant Easter Bunny suit. You cock your head to the side. “Can I help you?” You ask, a little unnerved that someone you perceived to be a stranger would be in your personal space. Although you enjoyed helping the kids, you were really feeling Steve’s absence. Steve took off the mask from the costume. You couldn’t help but begin to cry. You’d just missed him so much, and he wasn’t even supposed to be back in the country for at least another week! You jumped up and kissed him, drawing a whistle from some of his teammates who were nearby. You never went anywhere alone anymore, even Happy went to work with you now.

**May 2013**

It seems like the missions just never let up. Steve is gone more time than he’s home. Constantly after one thing or another for S.H.I.E.L.D., and when he is home, he’s so tired that he can barely move. You don’t spend as much time together as you should, and you wonder if there’s something else going on. Natasha is just as busy as Steve, and you find yourself feeling more isolated than ever.

Tony knocked on your door “Y/N, I made dinner, come out and eat with me and Pepper. We have a surprise for you.”

You walk to the door, opening it, and follow Tony to the elevator up to his floor, Pepper greets you with a smile and a blindfold, and you follow as you’re led to a table. You sit, and instead of Tony’s hands, you feel hands that you recognized intimately on your neck. You nearly rip the blindfold off in excitement. “Steve!”

**July 4th 2013**

You let yourself in to Steve’s apartment, Nat has let you borrow her spare key. He didn’t know you were coming, but you really wanted to surprise him for his birthday. You spent your afternoon baking a cake, decorating the apartment and making sure that everything was perfect. You heard the doorknob turn with a key, and you hid behind the couch, knowing full well Steve would be able to hear the sound of your excited heart and your heavy breathing. You heard Steve step into the room cautiously, “Who’s there?” He hollered, warily.

You stood up from behind the couch and smiled. “Happy Birthday honey”

Steve’s cautious demeanor was replaced by the bright smile you’d grown to love. “Y/N! He nearly yelled rushing forward to kiss you and spin you around, “What are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t get away this weekend?”

“And miss your birthday? Never!”

“How did you get in?”

“Our favorite super-spy, how do you think I got to D.C. without you knowing?”

“Of course,” Steve looks around and the timer goes off, you extricate yourself from Steve’s embrace to save dinner from being ruined. “Did you do all of this for me?”

You nod. “I wanted your birthday to be special.”

“You’re here with me, that’s more than I could have ever asked for.”

You pull dinner out of the oven, along with the cake and an apple pie. You bring the food out to the small pub table, and set it down in front of Steve, his plate nearly quadruple what yours was, super-soldier metabolism. Dinner was finished slowly, conversation flowing easily between the two of you. He asked how work had been, and how the team was doing, although most everyone had found their own ways for a while, you knew that if you needed anyone, they’d be there in an instant. You talked about things you wanted to do while you were in D.C., about the announcement that they planned to open a Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian, and then, you put candles with numbers on the cake, teasing Steve about fire hazards if you’d used traditional candles, and sing Happy Birthday to him. You ate the cake, and smiled pulling Steve up and putting on a record to dance to, Steve smiled as he pulled you into his arms, gently swaying with you in his living room.Your head against his chest, and you heart beating out of it as you thought about where the night might go.

Later that night, you found yourself curled up with Steve, your head on his chest, and his arms wrapped around you. You slip into sleep comfortably for what feels like the first time in forever.

**October 15, 2013**

You cursed as you missed your train heading to D.C.; you just knew that you were going to be late, and you wanted to be there for Steve when he got home from work. The anniversary of his mother’s death was never an easy day for him, and you wanted to be there to help. He knew you were coming, but you’d told him not to worry about meeting you at the station, living in New York, you knew how to take the subway.

You finally caught a train, and thankfully you’d only be a few minutes later than you’d originally anticipated, you’d just have to catch a different connecting train. You go to Steve’s door, and heard him inside, but after the last time you’d visited, he’d made you a key. You slipped your key in the lock, and announced yourself as you walked in. “Hey honey, sorry I’m late.”

Steve met you at the door, you could tell he’d been crying, but he wrapped you in his arms and kissed you. The kiss tasted salty, but you leaned in to it. “I love this man.” You thought to yourself, surprising yourself. You knew that you cared deeply for Steve, but those words had never crossed your mind, and you weren’t about to let them out today of all days. You pulled Steve close, and maneuvered your way to the couch, settling down so that you could hold Steve close and run your fingers through his hair. You smiled as Steve relaxed into your touch, his breathing evened out and you realized that Steve had fallen asleep. You tugged the blanket down, covering both of you, and leaned back, listening to the sound of Steve’s breathing and enjoying knowing that he was safe and alright with you.

**November 24, 2013**

[Steve: Hey doll, I’m going to be out on a mission today, staying stateside, but wanted you to know.]

[Y/N: Stay safe hon, are you still coming home for Thanksgiving?]

[Steve: That’s the plan, and I will. You be safe too ok?]

[Y/N: Always. <3]

You sat your phone down, and continued cleaning your little apartment, Avenger’s tower felt empty to you without everyone around, but at the same time, the quiet was nice. You laid down to nap a bit, and woke up to J.A.R.V.I.S. Announcing that there was a news station with a live feed of something involving Steve.

You watched as you saw Steve fighting with several goons. He was outnumbered, but that certainly didn’t stop him. Soon, he disappeared, and you found yourself hoping and praying that he would come home in one piece. Later that evening, you got another alert, as you watched one of the Nobel prize winners give a speech and thank Steve and Nat for saving her. You beamed as you realized that you may have to share Captain America with the world, but that Steve was still coming home to you. He was yours.

**November 28, 2013**

Steve walked in the door of your apartment, and you couldn’t help but smile. You’d been out Christmas shopping earlier that day for him, and yo’d found the perfect gift. You hoped you’d be able to wait until Christmas to give it to him. You found yourself nearly giddy as you were swept up into his arms. You hadn’t kept your hopes up that you would be able to have him home, missions lately had been more and more frequent, and Fury had needed Steve’s assistance more and more. “You’re here!” You smiled.

“Couldn’t miss the holidays with my best girl now could I?”

“The holidays? Does that mean you’re home for a while?”

Steve nodded “I get to be home through new year unless I’m needed for a mission, but Fury agreed to let me stay here and just work from the tower.”

You smiled widely “I can’t wait to spend some extra time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who’s left kudos, commented, bookmarked and read this story. I appreciate every single one of you!


	15. The Ghost Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A perfect Christmas, or is it?

**December 25th, 2013**

Beyond one mission, Steve has been able to keep his promise. He’s been at the tower, working out of your room, and it’s finally Christmas! Steve didn’t go for a run this morning. It was just far too cold. Instead, you woke up with his limbs curled around you. You kiss his face softly, enjoying the way he squirms but stays asleep. He’s a furnace though, and you slowly extricate yourself from him to go and start making breakfast.

Soon enough, Steve wakes up, and you eat together in companionable silence. He looks a little nervous, and you aren’t sure why, but you don’t bring it up. After breakfast, you join everyone in the common room to open presents. You’d made sure to tuck your present for Steve under the tree last night while he was grabbing a shower. You both found the last two spots on the couch, you in Steve’s lap. Everyone exchanged gifts, opening and admiring everyone’s gifts. You’d picked a special gift for everyone, and finally it was your turn to give Steve his gift. You handed him a small blue box, wrapped with a silver bow and a tag with the word “Steve” on it in your prettiest calligraphy. He opened it with shaking hands, inside, nestled in dark blue silk was a silver compass. His eyes glossed over as he opened it to find your photo and the words “So you always find your way home to me.”

Steve smiled sadly as he pulled out a tarnished silver compass from his pocket, opening it, you can see a photo of the same woman he kept on his nightstand. You couldn’t help the jolt of jealousy that you felt as you realized that the love of your life still loved someone else. You slid off Steve’s lap as you whispered “You still love her.” Your voice cracked and you blinked away tears, before excusing yourself off to your room, saying you were still tired.

Steve moved to follow you, but Natasha stopped him. “I don’t know what you did, but you need to stay here. I’ll go check on her.”

Natasha knocked on your door, “Y/N, It’s Nat, open up please.”

“Not right now Nat.” She could hear your tears through the door, as she overrode the lock on your door and JARVIS let her inside. What she came upon would haunt her. Your eyes were red and puffy, and you sat in the middle of your bed, clutching one of Steve’s sweaters, sobbing. Nat scooted to you, sitting in front of you.

“What did he do? I swear, he may be my teammate, but I’ll kill him if he hurt you.”

You sob again, trying to get yourself under control. “He…he didn’t hurt me, but he still loves her. I will always be second best. Never his first choice.”

Natasha sat with you for a while, and outside on the couch, Steve could hear every word. He kept wanting to get up, to come comfort you, but the glares from the rest of his teammates, even Thor who was usually pretty understanding, Tony stood up, made his way over to Steve, clasped his shoulder in his hand, and leaned down. “You’d better not fuck this up, she deserves the world, and I like her better.”

Natasha walked out of your room, and Steve stood up quickly, moving to the open door she left. She stopped him. “You’re going to have to work hard to fix this Steve, she loves you, but if she isn’t your first priority, you need to be honest with her. She deserves to be loved.”

Steve stepped into the door, and what he saw ripped his heart out, you were wrapped up in the blankets, his sweater still clutched tightly in your hands, you eyes nearly swollen shut from tears, and although you weren’t sobbing anymore, you were still crying softly. He held a small box in his hands, and sat on the bed beside you. “Doll,” he whispered softly “You’re right, I do still love Peggy, but its not the same as it was back when I went into the ice. It never could be. I’m building my life with you. I want you.”

Your tears ran faster, you knew you were right, and you wanted to believe Steve, but you just didn’t know if you could. Steve tucked himself around you, and you buried your head in his chest. You knew that he would do everything in his power to protect you, but could he give you his whole heart. You’d been hurt too many times before to be alright with him still loving another woman.

**New Years Eve, 2013**

Tony always threw a New Year’s Eve party, it was always one of his most extravagant of the year. You and Steve had been slowly on the mend ever since your emotional moment on Christmas Day. He’d been doing his best to meet you where you were and show you just how much you meant to him, but he’d still not said the three words you needed to hear most. You wondered if he ever would. You fingered the promise ring on your right hand, hoping that he’d be your forever someday. You stepped out of your room in a cocktail dress, red and sparkly, with very little left to the imagination. Steve stopped midstride when he saw you. “What do you think?” You asked with a smile.

“Where’s the rest of it?” Steve quipped with a blush.

“This is all of it, hon.”

Steve did a double take, but wisely chose not to say anything else. He just offered you his arm and escorted you into the party. Tony made his way over immediately to tell you how beautiful he thought you looked, and Natasha gave you a smile and a thumbs up. Of course she liked it, she helped you pick it out!

You and Steve dance the evening away, and as the clock strikes midnight, he leans down and kisses you softly, tilting you back. You hear some whistles and clapping and laugh as you see the team cheering you on.

You make your way back to your room, knowing that Steve has to leave the next morning.

**New Years Day, 2013**

You watch as Steve drives away on his bike, it still hurts your heart to see him go, but you hope that the distance and the time will help him to choose to make you first in his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know angst and more angst, it's going to be a bit of a roller coaster here over the next 2-3 chapters, but hang with me, there is so much more sweetness and fluff coming! I promise the angst is for a reason! As always, thank you so much for you kudos, comments and bookmarks, I love hearing what you think about this story!


	16. Insight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for being so patient with me, I started a new job, and its been a bit of a wild ride adjusting to being back at work! More chapters coming soon! I’m already started on Chapter 17. As always, your comments, kudos and bookmarks mean the world to me. Subscribe if you want regular updates and I hope you enjoy this extra long chapter!

**January 4, 2014**

Steve was home. Your favorite part of the week was when he walked through the door on Friday evenings. He’d gotten home late this weekend, and now you were both working in the living room. Silent, but together. You’re sitting in the middle of the floor, papers and fabric swatches spread all around you. Steve sits on the couch, laptop plugged in to the outlet behind him as he works on what you’re sure is yet another mission report. “Steve, love, why are you so far?” You whine softly, teasing him.

Steve looks up from the laptop, smirking at your voice. “Because the outlet is here, and I’m comfortable.”

You give him your best puppy dog eyes before huffing and returning to your work. You’d missed him and just wanted to be close, but the couch just didn’t offer the same amount of space that the floor did. You gave a dramatic sniff, as if you were going to cry. “Fine then. Be that way.”

Steve looked up, pretending to be annoyed. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

About five minutes later, Steve moves to sit next to you on the floor. He really can’t deny you anything. You look up with a smug little smile and Steve laughs “Oh hush.”

**January 8, 2014**

[Steve: Hey doll, I’m headed out on a mission, don’t know how long it’ll take, but I’ll text you as soon as I can.]

[Y/N: Stay safe. Come home to me.]

[Steve: Always]

You flop down in your desk chair. You’d finally accepted a job working for Tony. You just couldn’t take going out of the tower every day. Tony hired you to style anyone he chose, and it was for the most part a very easy job. You picked all of Tony’s suits and helped Pepper with her wardrobe frequently, occasionally finding a dress for Nat or a suit for Bruce.

**January 9, 2014**

[Steve: Hey made it back.]

[Y/N: Tough one?]

[Steve: Yeah, can’t talk about it.]

[Y/N: I figured, I’ll see you this weekend?]

[Steve: I hope so. Tony running you ragged yet?]

[Y/N: Not too badly, I miss you.]

[Steve: I miss you too doll, I’ll see you tomorrow.]

**January 10, 2014**

You hadn’t heard anything from Steve the rest of the night, but that wasn’t necessarily unusual after a long mission. You wait on the couch in the living room that night, hoping to see him, and you fall asleep waiting.

**January 11, 2014**

When you wake up, you realize that Steve didn’t show up, you check your phone, hoping for a text message or a missed call. Nothing. Your face falls, and you head out to get something to eat. Walking out to the street, you get an uneasy sensation, like you’re being followed.

You try to get lost in a crowd, slipping into a busy coffee shop, where you see on the news footage of Steve and Nat with someone you don’t know, being surrounded with guns pointed at them, and then being hauled off into vehicles with logos that you’ve seen on Steve’s clothing and bags. SHIELD.

You take your coffee and make a beeline back towards the tower. Soon, you feel someone fall in beside you, matching you stride for stride. It’s Maria Hill. “Come with me now, we don’t have much time.”

You’re loaded onto a quinjet, and Maria separates from you, leaving you with an agent she says you can trust. You’re flown to a remote location. It looks more like a sewer than a safe house, and once inside, you’re led to a conference room. Your head falls into your hands as you sob. “What has he gotten into this time. What have I gotten into?”

Soon, you feel a strong hand on your shoulder, and, when you look up, you see Steve, his eyes are hard, but he pulls you into his arms. “Doll” he says softly.

“Steve.” you throw yourself into his embrace, “I..I thought you were gone. They arrested you. How?”

Steve sits, and settles you on his lap, you wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face in his shoulder. He tells you the story, about the helicarriers and their purpose, thinking that Fury was dead, watching him get shot, watching him die. A missile launched by SHIELD, that SHIELD was really HYDRA, and about Bucky and fighting him in the street. Soon, Natasha comes in looking freshly bandaged. “Y/N, “ she says softly. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Maria said I wasn’t safe at the tower, that I was needed here. So I came. What’s the plan?”

Steve looked at you in shock, Natasha smiled and Maria and Sam entered the room. “The plan is that you stay here and stay safe and we go do our jobs.”

“Like hell you will, I’m going with. There has to be something I can do. I’m not about to let you walk into a firefight outnumbered without me. Not a chance.”

Steve tries to reason with you, but in the end, its decided that you’ll stay with Hill, cover her and do whatever you can to help her. It was the safest spot for you. You’d argued that it was likely that your DNA was in the list of targets for INSIGHT anyways, there was no way HYDRA was going to leave out Captain America’s girlfriend. You and Steve went to bed that night, holding each other.

“Doll,” Steve said quietly “Are you still awake?” He had his arms wrapped around you, and he was murmuring in your hair.

“Yes?” You rolled over so you could look at him.

“I went to see her.”

You didn’t need to know who “her” was. You looked up at him, trying not to cry. “And?” You whispered.

“She has dementia, she lived her life, and she told me that I needed to live mine. She got married, she founded SHIELD, and she wants me to be happy.”

“And are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Are you happy Steve?”

“I am.”

You hold Steve, pressing your body against his. He holds you tightly as you cry into his shirt. You finally felt like Steve was really yours.

**January 12, 2014**

Natasha handed you her tactical suit. “This should fit you”

You took the suit with a nod as you both stepped away to get dressed, Steve came out to meet you, wearing his old suit. You’d heard from Nat that he’d made a stop at the Smithsonian to grab it.

You gripped Steve’s hand as you took your first steps towards the Triskellion, you knew that this might be the last time you saw each other alive. You broke it to the control room, and Nat took her place undercover with the security council.Maria, Steve, Sam and you settled into your seats as Steve gave a speech. “Attention all SHIELD agents, this is Steve Rogers. You’ve heard a lot about me over the last few days. Some of you were even ordered to hunt me down. And I think its time you know the truth. SHIELD is not what you thought it was; its been taken over by HYDRA. Alexander Pierce is their leader. The STRIKE and INSIGHT crew is HYDRA as well, I don’t know how many more. I know they’re in the building. They could be standing right next to you. They almost had me. That’s what they want absolute control. That’s what they want. They shot Nick Fury. And it won’t end there. If you launch those helicarriers today, HYDRA will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way, unless we stop them. I know I’m asking a lot. The price of freedom is high. It always has been. It’s a price I’m willing to pay, and if I’m the only one then so be it, but I’m willing to bet I’m not.”

Sam stepped forward “Did you write that down first, or was that off the top of your head?”

I smiled, and kissed Steve “Come home to me.”

“Always, doll, always.”

I settled in a chair near Maria as she showed me the controls. I made myself pay close attention, noting all the buttons and what they should do.

Steve and Sam headed for the carriers. You could hear he and Sam through the coms as the helicarriers began to rise out of the bays. Maria spoke to Steve through the comms, “They’re initiating launch.”

“If they’re shooting at you, they’re bad” you heard Steve say, you focused on the video feed in front of you, watching the carriers rise into the sky, explosions all around. You said a prayer to the sky, hoping you’d all live to see the end of this.

Video feed showed Natasha subduing some of HYDRA’s thugs in the council chambers, and you quickly turned back to see what Steve and Sam were doing.

“8 minutes Cap” Maria updated.

“Alpha lock.” You heard Steve’s voice soon after.

You watched Sam dodge missiles, and soon after, you heard “Bravo lock”

You watched as a jet took off from another helicarriers, you really hoped that was a friend.

On the screen with Nat, you saw Fury walk in, he was talking to Pierce, and you hoped that soon, you’d hear Steve’s voice again.

All of a sudden, the door opened, and Maria began to fight with a few men. You found your way to her computer, settling down, just as you’d planned.

“I had a big breakfast, you heard Steve. Then, you watched as Sam was pulled from the sky, and again as he tumbled down and just barel caught his parachute.

“Captain, Captain come in are you ok?”

You heard Steve’s voice, and took a sigh of relief, waiting for him to speak again. You chimed in “Sam, Rumlow is headed for the council.”

You heard Steve come over the coms, he was talking to someone, you assumed Bucky. “Please don’t make me do this.”

You could hear the sounds of fighting, digital sounds, and more grunting and hits being taken, the sound of something hitting his shield. And then a fall. You stayed silent, doing your best to stay focused as Maria defended the two of you.

You focused in on Natasha, something seemed to be wrong. Then you heard gunshots over the comms, your focus was slipping, and you heard a scream. You were trying your hardest to keep it together.

A tear slipped out as you heard the sounds. You knew you had to keep your head in the game. “One minute” you warned as you took a steadying breath.

“Stand by”

You heard a gunshot and a wince that from Steve. “Steve?” You said through the comms. You watched as the carriers lowered their guns.

“Charlie lock” you heard, and all the targets disappeared, instead showing blank and then you saw the three carriers on your screen.

“Steve, get out of there.”

“Fire now.”

“But Steve.”

“Do it, do it now”

Your eyes filled with tears. “Steve I can’t”

Maria put her hand on my shoulder. “Y/N, you heard through the comms. I love you, and I need you to do this. It’s always been you. I love you.”

Your eyes filled with tears as you pressed the button that would cause the ships to fire on each other. Maria’s steady presence as you watched them fall out of the sky.

“Not good enough Steve, you get back here and you tell me in person.”

“I love you.”

You could hear Steve struggling, and you felt one of the ships collide with the building. You heard Nat ask for a location on Steve, but you didn’t really have one.You were holding your breath, listening to him talk to Bucky. “You know me.”

“I’m not going to fight you. You’re my friend.”

“You’re my mission” you heard a voice you didn’t recognize say.

“Then finish it, cause I’m with you til the end of the line.” the ship holding Steve’s bottom gave way and you watched him fall into the water. You stood, and rushed out the door, leaving Maria behind, you found your way out of the building, and began to search the shore line for any sight of Steve. You found him, in an area that was surrounded by trees. He was lying in the mud, breathing shallowly.


	17. Never Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the Battle at the Triskellion takes its toll on the reader and Steve recovers.

What came next happened in what felt like an instant. You dropped to your knees and started yelling into your comms that Steve was hurt and you needed help. You turned Steve on his side, grunting with the weight, how did you not realize how heavy he was before? “Come on Steve, wake up, come back to me.”

Before you knew it you were being swarmed by agents. You were scared, and still didn’t know who you could trust, and then suddenly Maria was by your side, Natasha following quickly behind. Steve was loaded into an ambulance and you into a nondescript black SUV with Maria behind the wheel. Natasha held your hand as you followed the ambulance to the hospital. The waiting room was quiet, as if someone had cleared the entire floor of its occupants, and maybe they had. You didn’t care, you were pacing like a caged animal. 

Nurses and doctors made their way back and forth between the room where they were diligently working on Steve and the waiting room, talking with Maria in hushed tones and whispers. It was frustrating to feel like you were being kept out of the loop and you felt like you were about to snap. Natasha must have sensed your bad mood, because she caught your wrist and pulled you over towards the vending machines. “Hey, y/n, take a deep breath.”

“I just need to know how he’s doing. It’s killing me.”

“I know, but right now he’s in the right spot. All they keep telling Maria is that he’s still with us. The serum seems to be doing its job.”

You take a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears that have been threatening to fall for what seems like hours. Suddenly a nurse appears and the three of you are ushered back into a room. They explain Steve’s condition. He’s pretty beat up, lost a significant amount of blood, and still on a ventilator, but they expect that he’ll be alright. It’s like a weight is lifted off your shoulders, and the tears that have been held back spill over into sobs. Natasha is caught aback a little by the show of emotion, but Maria steps in and runs a soothing hand up and down your spine. You hear her ask the nurse when you can see him, and she mentions waiting for just a few minutes while they get Steve settled into his ICU room. You take a deep breath, controlling your emotions again and follow Maria and Natasha out into the waiting room again.

That’s all you could do now. Wait…

Waiting always feels like forever when you’re worried, and worried was the understatement of the year when it came to how Steve was doing. Eventually, you were led into a room with more equipment than you’d ever seen in your life. Off to the left there were IVs running from several different pumps, beeping monitors and linea, and to the right was a machine you’d never seen before, it had an LED screen with lines and a giant blue tube that led to Steve’s mouth. Your eyes fell to Steve, his eyes closed and his breathing steady. He wasn’t clothed, the blanket covering his legs and a large bandage covering his chest, stained with left over blood. 

You were afraid to touch him. All the tubes and wires were intimidating and you were afraid that if you touched him you would hurt him or break something that was helping him. You sat in a chair next to his bed, still as a statue. Natasha stepped forward, more comfortable in this setting than you and took your hand and placed it in Steve’s. “You’re not going to hurt him, y/n, I promise. He needs to know that you’re here.”

You let out a breath, and a nurse walked in with Maria. Maria was instructing the nurse that she was to tell you anything you wanted to know and that you could be here whenever you wanted. Natasha moved to stand by the door, other than you and Maria, no one was allowed in except medical staff and the team. 

Over the course of the day, everyone made it in to see Steve. Tony and Pepper came first, checking in on you and forcing you to step away and eat. Something you had no intention of doing without prodding. Bruce and Sam came by frequently. Thor came by briefly, but was needed on Asguard. Clint stopped by to visit, and brought you some easy snacks. “I know you haven’t been eating, these are quick. You can’t help Steve if you aren’t taking care of yourself.”

You spent your time talking to Steve. Telling him that you loved him, and that he was never going to live down scaring you like this. You held his hand and sometimes softly sang to him, anything to get your mind off of all the medical equipment.

Natasha rarely left, settling into a chair by the door, only stepping away when she was relieved by Maria to eat and nap. You appreciated the constant vigil, never alone.

By the fourth day, you could see noticeable improvement. Most of the bruising was gone, and the wounds on his stomach and legs had healed up significantly, looking like they hadn’t just been open gunshot wounds a few days before. The machines went away one by one, and soon, Steve was breathing on his own. They transferred him to a regular room, and you found yourself asleep in the chair beside him, your hand in his. You left soft music playing on your phone to drown out some of the hospital sounds. They told you that he could hear you even though he wasn’t conscious, and you didn’t want the first thing he heard when he woke up to be the incessant beeping of a machine.

Sam woke you up gently, shaking your shoulder. “Hey, why don’t you go grab something to eat and get a shower in the family lounge? He’ll still be here when you get back and you need to take care of yourself. I promise if he so much as moves I’ll call you.”

You shook your head. “He needs me Sam.”

“He doesn’t need to wake up and see you looking like you’ve been through hell. Go get cleaned up at least. I can bring you some food back here after that okay?”

You conceded, seeing Natasha waiting at the door. “Fine, but if he even remotely starts waking up, call me.”

Sam nods and you move from the chair and walk out to meet Nat, she hands you some toiletries and new clothes. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

You follow her down the hall to a family lounge. The floor was still eerily empty, but you were grateful not to have any prying eyes around. You showered quickly and pulled back your damp hair, stepping out to find Nat still waiting for you. “I think that’s the quickest shower I’ve ever seen you take y/n.” she quipped.

“Well I want to get back.”

She nodded, and you hurried back to Steve’s side. 

It was several hours later that Steve’s eyes fluttered open and he gripped your hand looking around. “Hey doll,” his voice was gravelly with disuse and he let out a hoarse cough “What’d I miss?”

“Shh..” you chuckled, just happy to see his eyes. “Let me get you some water and call the nurse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me. I promise there is more fluff to come. Your comments, kudos and bookmarks mean the world to me. I can't wait to show you all what's coming next! 
> 
> If you like Steve/Bucky/Reader fics, check out my new collab work with LucindaAM "Southern Belle"!
> 
> Thank you again! See you at the next chapter!


	18. Searching and Finding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shield is defunct, what comes next?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know its been a while, I lost motivation for writing this one for a bit. But I'm back now and I plan to make it worth the wait! This one is short, but more fun is coming soon!!

Steve’s recovery was blessedly quick. He was up and walking soon after he woke up, the bullets having been taken out while he was still unconscious. A blessing since most sedatives wouldn’t work for him. You rarely left his hospital room. You found yourself eating your meals with him and sleeping in a chair beside his bed. Your hand in his even as you slept. When you left his side for more than a few minutes it was as if the world came crashing in on you. You just couldn’t do it. You knew it wasn’t healthy, and you knew you’d need to talk to someone about it sooner or later, but for now, for now, you just needed to be with Steve. 

You knew you’d never get over the image of his body falling out of the hellicarrier. You saw it anytime you closed your eyes. You couldn’t escape the words out of Steve’s mouth. You couldn’t stop blaming yourself for pushing the button. If you hadn’t pushed that damn button maybe he wouldn’t have nearly drowned. Steve got stronger every day. He never complained, outside of the occasional wince or groan, determined to be back on his feet and back to work as soon as he could.

It was late one night when Steve was wondering aloud what he was going to do. “With SHIELD defunct, I don’t really have a place in D.C. anymore, and Bucky, god, he’s alive. He… He recognized me, y/n. I have to find him.”

“I know Steve, we’ll figure it out. For now, your place at the tower is still there. You can come home, start over, we’ll figure everything else out from there.”

Steve squeezed your hand, laying his head back on his pillow. “Come’re doll, you’re too far away.”

You climbed in next to Steve, careful not to hurt him or jostle him. Steve kissed your hair and wrapped his arm around you. “I love you, y/n. I should have told you that so much sooner. I almost didn’t get the chance.”

“I love you too, Steve, more than you’ll ever know.”

A few days later, discharge paperwork in hand, a car came to collect you and Steve from the hospital. Steve’s belongings were already on their way back to the compound, Tony’d hired movers to make sure that neither of you had to do anything. 

You held Steve’s hand as they wheeled him out to Tony’s waiting car, he was still building his stamina back up, and walking for too long still made his leg hurt. The bones were healed, but the muscles were still repairing themselves. 

You helped him into the car, sliding into the backseat beside him. “I love you, Steve,” you whispered.

He looked over at you, his eyes soft and a little teary. “I love you too doll, more than anything.”

“Don’t ever make me choose between the world and you again, okay?”

“I can’t promise that, but I can promise that I’d set the world on fire if I lost you.”

You curled up into Steve’s side and closed your eyes for the rest of the drive to the tower. 

Before you knew it, Steve’s soft shaking was rousing you from your sleep. “Doll, it’s time to wake up, we’re here.”

Your eyes opened slowly and with a grown you straightened out and stretched. “Alright, alright, I’m up.”

Steve laughed softly at you, and you helped him out of the car. Tony greeted you both at the door. “Hey Fireworks, Hey Cap, good to have you home.”

Hugs were exchanged and promise to meet up around dinner for some time with the team. Steve looked into his apartment and smiled, everything was already put away and settled. It was as if he’d never left. You hovered in the hallway for a moment before asking JARVIS to unlock your door. You sunk into the couch and left the door open for Steve to come in whenever he was ready. Steve followed behind not too long after, sinking onto the couch beside you with a sigh. “It’s good to be home.”

You nod and gently tug Steve down so he’s laying on the couch. “Don’t overdo it. Tonight’s going to be a lot. Fun, but a lot.”

“You’re right,” he yawned and snuggled into your stomach. “I’m gonna just rest though, I don’t really want to sleep. I feel like all I’ve been doing for days is sleeping.”

“You’re healing. It’s alright if you sleep. I don’t mind and I won’t let you miss dinner.”

Steve’s breathing evened out as you cued up something mindless on Netflix. Nothing like soft reality television to help you unwind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your comments and kudos, they make my day. Let me know what you think!


End file.
